Cha Cha’s guide to success.

I don’t like to brag, but I recently found myself sitting in my car outside of a Duds ‘n’ Suds laundromat, crying so hard that I couldn’t drive.

I know that you’re wondering, ‘How does she do it? What’s the secret of Cha Cha’s super fantastic life? And how can I get one?’

Gentle reader, I am here to share the secrets of my success. Get a pen or pencil, and prepare to be dazzled.

1. Get waaaaaay too into your job. Derive your sense of self from your work. Skip social events to work.


2. Try to date. Have the good fortune to find a truly amazing man. Attempt to build a lovely ménage a trois with you, your boyfriend, and your job. Watch the ensuing fun.
3. Get burned out at work from being in firefighting mode for eight long, grueling months.


4. Wonder why your relationship is suffering. Be genuinely surprised.


5. Have random-ass and very real fights with boyfriend. Get so mad that you tell him he needs to find a drifter for you to kill.


6. Realize you are in big, big trouble. Realize, too, that you have no idea how to right your ship.


7. Burst into tears when your kind but clueless boss asks how it’s going. Mentally note that this is the worst day of your professional life.


8. Realize that trying to please everyone but yourself has brought you to a very ugly place. Cry some more.


9. Be genuinely surprised when the man you want to spend the rest of your life with tells you that he is on the verge of breaking up with you. Cry some more. Realize this probably isn’t making you more attractive to him, which makes you cry even more in that blubbery, blotchy, gasping for breath sort of way.


10. Realize that you have no idea what would make you happy, but this ain’t it.

And there you have it. What can I say? I’m a giver. You’re welcome.