Today was a very hectic day at Corporate Behemoth. I ran from meeting to meeting to meeting, but I was only there physically. Emotionally? Mentally? I was thinking about how my swollen eyelids resembled pink, translucent jellyfish. I put mascara on this morning, but it was sort of a joke. I didn't even think of wearing my contacts.
I'm allowing myself a little wallow today. I dined on peanut butter toast and am starting to watch all of the episodes of Grey's Anatomy that I have stored up on my DVR. It's almost a year. I'm a little behind.
The episode I just watched is from last season. A woman with a brain tumor has been going on and on about her boyfriend ... a boyfriend whom no one has met. No photos exist of him. Finally, the good Dr. Shepherd gets her to realize that the boyfriend is a product of her brain tumor.
It's all very melodramatic and is the stuff you either love or hate about Grey's. The tearful woman looks at Shepherd and says, "He was never there?"
And that, my friends, is the way I feel about Mr. Wonderful.
He was never there. The man I fell in love with never actually existed. Because surely the man I fell in love with would never have berated me for buying yogurt that had an illegible expiration date on it. The man I fell in love with wouldn't have kicked a clinically depressed Cha Cha out of his house, saying he couldn't have me acting despondent in front of his daughter.
I'm starting to feel sort of ... completely and totally pissed off.
Alice left me a voice mail today. She is pretty much the most no-nonsense person on the planet. She basically said that this whole dating Lisa thing means he cheated on me and that he's a total dick and deserves to die and it's just yet another reason why we, collectively, are so glad that I am rid of him.
My therapist said that more often than not, the cheater gets cheated on. Like a karmic circle of life.
And BFF's husband, whom I talked to at 11:30 last night? When I was sobbing and realized that one thing that sucks about being a grown up is that you don't have people you can call at 11:30 p.m. because everyone you know is asleep? And I realized that I could call BFF, who lives in fucking Africa, except that that bitch had already left for work?
Her husband listened patiently to my tears and my tale of woe. "My ex is an asshole!" I wailed.
BFF's hubby didn't miss a beat. "Which one?"
And that made me laugh. So, puffy eyes and homicidal plans aside, I'm going to be just fine.
I've stayed with you for a few months now. I split from mine about the same time you split from yours. He is broken. I am choosing not to try and fix him.
ReplyDeleteI've read your emotions, peaked into your soul... a complete stranger! But honestly... reading you has helped me a great deal.
Its just knowing... Not Alone, not just me. Thank you.
I love no wallowing Friday. I had a crappy ass Thursday so it is fabulous to have a plan for no wallowing Friday. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteYou are fiiinnnneeee sister. Don't you ever doubt it ; )
You know, the "Real" Mr Wonderful is going to be just that. He will even bring you tea, in bed, on a saucer, and brush your hair because he knows how good it feels. And the ex, formerly known as Mr Wonderful, will be getting his Cialis prescription from the same Dr my ex goes to, and feeling pretty un-manly. I have peeps. I know this to be true.
ReplyDeleteI still have never seen Grey's Anatomy.
I'm commenting on this and the last post together - hope that's okay and I am not breaking protocol. At least I am eating mini pringles and not the skin off of my hands as I write this.
ReplyDeleteI think I have an epiphany - "he" does not have power over you, your feelings for who you thought he was do. Those kinda feelings are powerful, and seductive, and addictive and it just takes some time to get over them. But start telling yourself every time you think it, he has no power at all, none over you, not enough to make wise decisions, he messed up the best thing that happened to him and his little girl. He has nothing, no power!
But, YOU do! You have all of the power now . . . to go forward and find who you are SUPPOSED to be with, someone that deserves you. YOU have the power! YOU have the power to be happy. Love will find you, true love, probably when you're not looking for it and least expect it! (and with no skin eating or phlegm swallowing) Well, maybe. My hubby, who is just as handsome and cool is can be, throws boogies out the window when we're driving and it drives me crazy. I always fear there will be pounds of dried boogies on the side of my car someday. There's good and bad with everyone! (accept me - I don't have boogies, or fart, or sweat, or burp or anything the least bit unattractive and my family will vouch for me) hee hee
Put cucumbers over your eyes. Cucumbers are handy thing to have around. wink.
Marsha
All right Cha Cha! Today is a wallow-free day! Clearing the backlog DVR space is like cleaning out a closet or purging our emotional baggage. It helps us to lighten our load and to lighten our steps. I think that was a great way to prepare for a day without wallowing. "He was never there!" It's a revelation! You should be looking for him in front of you, not behind you!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward your report on this day's wallowlessness.
*ahem* "I'm looking forward to your report on this day's wallowlessness."
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're really starting to the situation for what it is! He's not worth you! I'm certain that there is a real mr. wonderful for you - and he won't even look at expiration dates on food.
ReplyDeleteI've never even seen one episode of Gray's either. I hear I'm really missing out.
Yes, you will be fine. Not to say it won't hurt and it won't be unsteady at times.
ReplyDeleteJust the way it is when one grows through something, and from where I sit out here, who know how far from you, reading only what you choose to share, and drawing only on my own experience, which may or may not parallel yours...well, it seems to me you are gaining ground.
One foot in front of the other, knowing you are okay.
That is some therapeutic TV viewing. I think that perspective is sheer genius.
ReplyDeleteHere's to no wallowing! Huzzah!
You ARE better off! Remember that. You didn't lose the man you fell in love with recently. No, that guy was gone LONG ago. You just lost the asshole. Thank goodness!
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be more then fine! The guy was a jerk (no, I don't know him but I've known several just like him). You'll have a good cry, some chocolate and get on getting over him. It's the best sort of revenge. Be happy.
ReplyDeleteTanya called me yesterday. I think we are planning a support Amy drink out on Wednesday night. It sounds like you need a drink too! I hope you can come.
ReplyDeleteBTW, your stories indicate the true low of this man. NO ONE should EVER be treated like that. You are too good!!!!!