Mom, Dad and match.com.

I showed my parents my match.com profile, and poked around the site to show them how it works. Some new guy had winked at me, so the three of us perused his profile.

First of all, he's 26.

Second of all, I sort of doubt we are a good match. His profile is ... unique. First of all, it broke my number one rule of match.com profiles: the guy posted a shirtless picture. Secondly, well, his approach to dating is a bit different from mine:

I'm looking for a good time. Don't bother messaging me if you're uptight or not looking for fun. I like to party and want to meet you. I have one piercing - it's below the waist. Just ask me and I'll tell you more.

Ooookay, then. Mom? Dad? Good thing you gave me a nice set of knives at Christmas so I don't have to get married. Ever.

In other news, Mr. Second Chance Guy has started texting me again.

First? You are my confidant. I'm bonking my head on the steering wheel after another bad date. I think I should give up.

Second, about a day later? Cha Cha, help? Do you have any single friends who are exactly identical to you who might be interested in me?

And finally, this afternoon? Can a guy get a third chance? Do u even give third chances? If u do, how does a guy get one? Can I buy one? I'll even pay extra.

Now, I haven't responded to any of these texts, and considering they are getting decidedly creepy, I'm not going to. Besides, my parents told me not to.

And now? Now, I'm watching an Indy 500 DVD with my dad, laughing hysterically at a home movie with Tony Kanaan. He's sneaking up on other drivers at a media event ... with a fart button. Hahaha.

Obviously, I am a very complex woman.