What would Ivan Drago do?

Last night’s Olympic men’s figure skating seemed like something right out of the Cold War – the handsome American underdog fighting the evil Russian.

Sound familiar?

Perhaps you’ve heard of a little movie called Rocky IV?

Now, I don’t think Evan Lysacek was trying to avenge Apollo Creed’s death. But really? Yevgeny Plushenko was not gracious after winning the silver, behind Lysacek’s gold.

This is the frickin’ Olympics. (Or, as Poochie used to call them, the Bolympics, the games of the 23rd Winter Bolympiad.) Don’t be a pouty loser.

I know I sound like my mama, but if you’re not a real champion if you can’t be gracious in defeat. Sure, Ivan Drago didn’t have a wide emotional range, but at least when Rocky kicked his ass (oops – spoiler!), he didn’t whine to the press.

But the more they show Plushenko, the more I think, “Hey, I know that guy!”

First? I thought he looked like Def Leppard’s Phil Collen.

Close.

But then? Then, I realized that no, Plushenko is actually the hateful love child of Cullen...

Your favorite musical artist and mine, Barry Manilow...

And a back-in-his-feathered-hair-glory-days Ice God Wayne Gretsky.

And that’s pretty much the extent of my Olympic coverage. I just can’t take the drama.