I am a horrible person. And I work with idiots.

I've been privy to some really dumb comments at Corporate Behemoth as of late.

From an IT director, talking about a big new project

"We're not there until we're there."

Uh ... thanks for that valuable insight.

From a skinny, pale IT guy who has too much gel in his hair and has never been to Hawaii

"It was a rough weekend - Keanu was sick."

Yes. Yes, he has a toddler. Named Keanu.

From your favorite coworker and mine, Creepy Rajeev

Him: "So, Cha Cha. How's the baby?"

Me: "Huh?"

Him: "Didn't you have a baby?"

Me, dumbstruck: "Uh, no."

Him: "Are you sure?

Umm?

Duh. Just duh. I mean, I initially had the mental diarrhea of, "OMG! Have I looked pregnant? I'm a horrible frump, aren't I? And then I moved on to, "What the hell is Creepy Rajeev doing, trying to get all up in my reproductive ladyparts?" And finally, I settled on, "What sort of moron argues with a woman over whether or not she has a baby? Oh, I know: the Creepy Rajeev sort of moron."