Monday, April 3, 2017

Things the puppy wants to chew: A room-by-room compendium.

Bathroom
  • Toilet brush
  • Toilet paper
  • Plunger
  • The little plastic cup thingys that cover the toilet bolts
  • Actually, anything toilet-related
  • Shower curtain and shower curtain liner
  • That one spot in the middle of the baseboard that must smell amazing
Bedroom
  • Curtains
  • Dust ruffle
  • All blankets and sheets
  • Shoes
  • Chair legs
  • Socks
  • That weird foam thing we put at the bottom of the door to the closet to keep the cold air in the uninsulated closet and out of the bedroom; you know, that thing that is covered in dog hair and three years of dust?
"I am told this is officially sanctioned chewing. Therefore, it obviously holds little interest for me."
Kitchen
  • Quarter-round trim around brand-new cabinets
  • Dish towels
  • Refrigerator
Living areas
  • Books
  • Magazines
  • Fringe on rug under kennel
  • Any dirt or tree gunk on the floor
  • Paper towels: new are fine, but preferably those already used to sop up puppy pee, as they provide further enrichment when drug across the floor, spreading urine
  • All USB and power cords, now and forever, the most delicious items on the planet
"Human! Earn your keep by providing your hand for my teething pleasure!"
Outside
  • Mulch
  • Dirt
  • Grass
  • Air
  • Rocks
  • Patio furniture
  • Did we mention mulch?
"I shall chew all that I survey!"
All areas of the home
  • People
  • Clothing
  • Hair
  • Jewelry
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6 comments:

  1. Suburban CorrespondentApril 3, 2017 at 5:02 PM

    But SO CUTE!

    ReplyDelete
  2. BentNotBrokenApril 4, 2017 at 9:51 AM

    At least your undergarmets seem to be safe (for now).

    This post is timely as my 8.5 YEAR old monster shredded my foam roller thing all over the living room during the 10 minutes that I had the audacity to take a shower this morning.

    Related, Elk antlers are a big hit in my house.

    ReplyDelete
  3. PattiApril 5, 2017 at 4:16 PM

    I LOVE him! (and I have a chewed very nice dining table leg, cords and wood trim on lr wall) All in the name of puppy love! He is truly adorable!

    ReplyDelete
  4. BeckyApril 6, 2017 at 9:42 AM

    Yes, this list makes sense. Everything must be chewed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karen (formerly kcinnova)April 10, 2017 at 11:06 PM

    Until this post I was gaga over your puppy. Now I sort of appreciate the fact my old black lab pukes on the floor.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 17, 2017 at 9:06 PM

    He's SO CUTE, but that's a LOTTA chewing. I'd be starting to eyeball the muzzles. WHY do they chew? Is it the canine version of teething? They should be born toothless until later. That would make me nuts. I mean, TRIM AND BASEBOARDS for crying out loud. That's a committed teether. Gnawer. Whatever.
    Going to admire my cat for a moment now--she prefers NOT to be touched--but bless her heart she doesn't bite things.

    ReplyDelete