Cha Cha's Stuff of 2009: Entertainment Edition

I'm home. And I have a wretched cold. And I had to spend an hour shoveling my driveway before I could get my car in the garage and the stuff and the dogs out of the car. Pooooor Cha Cha!

So, let's not dwell on my mucus situation or the state of my driveway. Let's talk, instead, about what was kick-ass (and not so kick-ass) about 2009.

Keep in mind that this isn't necessarily stuff that came out new this year. It's stuff that I experienced this year. And I'm lame and not cool and certainly not hip, so that might mean this is old stuff that's just new-to-me.

And yes, I totally cribbed this post concept from last year. But I'm high on cold medicine. Cut me some slack.

Best memoir
The Kids Are All Right. The Welch kids were orphaned in 1985 and then basically split up. The story is horrifying, but the book is a statement on resilience and the power of family. Plus, since each for the four kids wrote sections of the book, it's a unique comment on memory, perception, and what we will ourselves to forget.

Best adventure
Harry Truman's Excellent Adventure. I seriously loooooved this book. Imagine - a world where former presidents have no Secret Service detail and think they can just take a road trip across the country. Well, that's how it was in 1953. Harry and Bess loaded up the Chrysler and took off, and then were surprised by all the attention their little trip garnered. This book is a gem.

Best nonfiction book(s)
I listen to a lot of books on CD, even though I call them "books on tape" because that just seems to roll off my tongue a lot easier than "books on CD." Anyway, I'm at the mercy of the library's CD selection and therefore listen to some stuff that I wouldn't usually read. I suppose this is good. This year, I really enjoyed listening to several of Jimmy Carter's books. I guess I've had a thing for former presidents lately.

First of all, he reads them and I love his sweet Georgia drawl. Secondly, dude has had a fascinating life! He tells of his adventures with a deep respect for the people he meets and a deep sense of responsibility to do all he can to make the world a better place. We should all be so lucky ... and so responsible and loving.

Best new "Ohmygod I have to read everything she's written" author
Cathy Lamb. I've read her three novels. The latest was published four months ago. Think she'll publish another one, say, next week? Because I'm ready.

Best surprise by a previously disappointing author
The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder by Rebecca Wells. I loved Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, but found Wells' other two books to be, well, shitty. However, my mom brought this book to Florida and in our book trades back and forth, I read this in one glorious poolside day. Great story. Loved it. Not gonna win any hoity-toity awards, but I liked it.

Best book that I thought would be fluff but was a serious novel that was good. Real good.
Firefly Lane. Yes, it's about these women and their friendship and blah blah blah ... but it's also about how folks evolve as individuals and in relationships, what women sacrifice and what they gain from those trade-offs.

Wow - I keep adding books to this list. Guess I really do like to read. Yes, I'm an English major!

But, I also like to watch moving pictures.

Best based-on-a-true-story movie
The Blind Side. I know I've written about this movie quite a bit lately, but I just totally loved it. I will now do you a giant favor and refrain from a) talking about this movie AGAIN and b) telling you about the latest dream I had featuring characters from this film. You're welcome.

Best based-on-a-blog movie
Julie and Julia. I sort of wanted to kick Julie in the head sometimes, but I also came away wanting to learn more about Julia and her lovely husband. I have a couple of books checked out about the Childs but haven't had a chance to dig in yet. Perhaps those books will appear on my 2010 list. Stay tuned.

Best use of a national treasure in a movie
The Proposal. Not because it was super awesome in every way (just in some ways), but because it brought Betty White to the big screen. I love her. And I'm not just saying that because I watch more Golden Girls reruns than the average octogenarian. I'm saying it because she's got brilliant comedic timing and it's just funny to hear grandmas talk about the S-E-X.

Best holiday movie
You know it, I know it, and yet I still feel compelled to point it out: Trading Places. Again.

Worst movie ever in the history of movies
Funny People. I hated this movie. It was too long. It was about people you don't give two shits about. I hate Jonah Hill anyway because he plays the same guy in every movie he's in. And I got a migraine during this movie but didn't ask My Guy to leave because I thought he was loving the movie, only to find out later that he hated it, too. This movie is dead to me!

Most disgusting new TV show
Hoarders. I've learned that you can't watch it while you're eating. I've also learned that it's awesome to keep an episode on your DVR for when you need inspiration to clean your damn house already. Yikes.

Best TV as a drinking game
Steven Seagal: Lawman. Now, I wanted to love this show just on principle alone. What could possibly make better TV than Steven Seagal being a real-life cop? Sadly, the answer to that is complicated ... because he's not really a real cop. He's a reserve deputy sheriff. Which means that he does training on marital arts and self defense, but other than that ... he rides along with real deputies and says stuff like, "Get 'em, Johnny!"

Oh, the disappointment.

However, My Guy and I determined that Steven Seagal: Lawman is actually a perfect drinking game. You just take a drink anytime he mentions his years of experience in the martial arts ("With more than 40 years of experience in akido, I'm one of the world's master instructors") or anything Zen ("When you shoot your weapon, don't pull the trigger - push the air, like a Zen archer when he pushes the arrow.") I don't know about you, but those quotes alone make me want to drink.

Best funny-all-the-time show
30 Rock. Again. And not just because I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up. But because her show is damn funny.

Up next: Cha Cha's Stuff of 2009: This is Your Life Edition. Stay tuned!

What's the difference between buffalo and bison?

I'm in Iowa. It's cold here. But Christmas was warm and bright.

Unless you are a doxie.

I sort of, umm, had a moment of weakness in the dollar aisle at Target. See, there were these costumes, right? And they were only $2.50 each! So, if I bought two, that was only $5! And what's a mere $5 when it comes to spreading holiday happiness, love, joy, and general goodwill?

Exactly.

So, maybe the costumes didn't fit precisely.

And maybe the kids looked more like bison than reindeer.

But I think the dachshund bison totally spread holiday cheer.

Seriously.
I think it was cold enough that they didn't even mind wearing these get-ups all day long.
Or maybe they're just playing it cool while they plot my untimely death.

Whatever. It was totally worth it.

Just look at her legs.

One of my favorite holiday traditions is David Letterman's Christmas show. Of course, it featured knocking a meatball off the top of a tree with a football. As you do. And it was all capped off by Darlene Love.

Girlfriend has it going ON!



Merry Christmas, my friends!

Conversations with my family.

Mom: So, what'd you guys think of our Christmas letter?

Me: Uh? I liked the pictures a lot.

Poochie: Yeah, the pictures were great.

Me: But, umm? You talked about your awesome trip to Alaska and how Poochie's going to grad school and moved ... and then it said, "And Cha Cha has two dogs."

Poochie: *snort*

Me: You might as well have added, "And she is obviously not married."

Mom: I could send out an addendum.

Poochie: Yeah! And you could ask if anybody needs to get married for a green card or needs to get married so they have someone to cook and clean for them ... those are mostly widowers, but you know, you might get some interest.

Mom: It's not like you have cats. You have dogs.

Me: Right. But you made it sound like, "Cha Cha is our spinster daughter. She has a lovely collection of housecoats and many years of newspapers decorating her home."

Poochie: Hey! Did you get that e-mail I sent you about the movie I liked?

Me: Oh, yeah - Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day? Yeah! You liked it?

Mom: Ooh, that's a good one.

Poochie: Yeah, it was great. And Miss Pettigrew is a spinster!

Me: Oh, nice to see my people represented!

Poochie: But she's poor, and at least you aren't poor. So, you have that going for you.

Me: Hmm. True.

Poochie: And you're not totally pathetic like Miss Havisham. I always wondered ... did she ever take the wedding dress off? Or did she just sit in that dress for however many years and never bathe? Because after two days, I can tell that I need to take a bath. I bet she stank.

Mom: Oh - good point.

Me: Ugh. I never thought about that. Didn't she die in a fire?

Poochie: Yep. Things rarely end well for spinsters.

And ... scene!

Give a little bit. Or a lot.

My Guy and I saw The Blind Side this weekend. It was a fantastic movie. And, I'm pretty sure it's the reason why I was dreaming about Tim McGraw Friday night.

Why Tim morphed into Erik Estrada, I'm not sure. But after hearing that Mr. Estrada made me enchiladas in my dream, My Guy sent me this most awesome Christmas gift.

Note the detailed Photoshopping. Yes, that's a representation of Lil' Frankfurter being in the bed, along with Erik and a dish of enchiladas.

But back to The Blind Side ... this family took in a high school student. They didn't know him from a can of paint. He didn't give them a lot to work with since he kept to himself. But they took him in and built that relationship and eventually became his legal guardians.

I just keep asking myself: what would I have done?

Granted, the family was portrayed as being very financially secure. (Is that a nice way of saying rich, rich, rich?) But ordinary people of ordinary means do extraordinary things every day. Do you ever really stop to think about which camp you fall into?

I'm sort of bummed this year, because instead of making generous donations, I funded Lil' Frank's digestive health. Let's hear it for ridiculous vet bills!

I guess I just worry that I'm not doing my fair share. And if I saw a kid from my child's school wearing shorts and a t-shirt on a cold night, would I stop? Would I welcome that stranger into my home?

Gentle friends, how do you decide how much is enough?

Let's make this happen.

It's time to announce the winners of my holiday movie sequel awesome giveaway!

There are so many holiday movie sequels that need to be made. You all have opened my eyes to the dearth of holiday sequel goodness in our society. I humbly thank you ... and feel the need to host a telethon to raise money to get these movies made already. So far, Lil' Frankfurter has agreed to answer phones. So, it's really coming together.

Thanks for your very witty comments. I am proud to be friends with anyone who considers Die Hard a Christmas film. Truly. Also, it seems to be general consensus that Randy from A Christmas Story goes on to enjoy an alternative lifestyle. Whatever makes you happy, my little snowsuit-wearing, cabinet-living, eat-like-a-piggy-chowing friend.

I could just list all of the comments here because they are all so awesome, but I'll let you go back to the original post to read them. Instead, I'll give you the top two.

But Cha Cha! There was no mention of a first runner up in the original contest!
I know! But I had to have a first runner up because, well, there was awesomeness involved. So, there will be not one but two fabulous prizes!

First runner up: the lovely Laura!

The Holidays find all of our favorite kids back in their hometown catching up with each other over drinks:

Linus and Sally got married and live in the burbs with their 2.5 kids, mini-van and Snoopy’s puppies (and a pumpkin patch where he still spends each Halloween waiting for the Great Pumpkin.)

After a couple of failed marriages Lucy finds herself bitter and unemployed. She winds up serving drinks at a topless bar and realizing that Karma truly can be a bitch.

Peppermint Patty and Marcie just got back from DC where their union was recognized by law.

Schroeder made it to the finals of “America’s got Talent” where he lost to a bubbly blonde singing sensation.

Pigpen got the last laugh when he founded a technology company, got rich in an IPO and now spends his time traveling the world and working for charity.

After a childhood filled with disappointments and self esteem issues, Charlie Brown turned it all around and became a life coach.

Bwah ha ha! I can see this all with glorious clarity - and feel a sense of closure now that I know what happened to those kids. I'm especially enjoying Karma's sweet glow, as Lucy always made me so darn mad.

And then? Then, we have our winner, the amazing Green Girl in Wisconsin!

Herbie the Elf opens up a dental practice and extracts thousands of teeth full of cavities, leading to a ban on candy canes in the North Pole. Mrs. Claus gives Santa what for for being a judgmental jerkwad and he and the Reindeer Coach take sensitivity training. In their absence, The Abominable leads the elves in toy making (Monster Trucks!) and Rudolph continues to lead the reindeer training while Charise gives birth to TWINS. Santa fails sensitivity training, Mrs. Claus falls for the gold-digging Yukon Cornelius who is already fat and HE becomes the NEW SANTA while old Santa winds up manning a convenience store in New Jersey where people are jerks to HIM.

Again, I obviously love a little Karma in my holiday movies. Also, I love this sequel because it really seems to set the cast up for a number of spin-offs: a reality show about old Santa's New Jersey convenience store, a Grey's Anatomy-esque nighttime soap about Herbie's dental practice, and a Discovery Channel monster truck show featuring The Abominable ... and Yukon Cornelius, just because he seems like a monster truck sort of guy and would have time away from being the new Santa since filming would take place in the summer.

Not that I obsess over holiday movies or anything.

Thank you all for playing along and for making me guffaw in a most unladylike way. Laura and Green Girl, your fabulous prizes on are their way!

Step away from the egg nog.

Today, I saw a big ol' Crown Victoria with a wire dish rack in the back window. You know, the in-sink kind that you use to dry your dishes?

Yeah. Who does dishes in their car, even if it is a big ol' boat like a Crown Vic?

And if you dry your dishes in the back window, aren't you a) kind of screwed when the weather is below freezing; and b) ruining your upholstery and your speakers?

Or maybe I just hallucinated the whole thing. All of these holiday preparations are obviously impacting my brain. I dreamt last night that I was being wooed by Tim McGraw (The Blind Side is fantastic, by the way). Then, he morphed into Erik Estrada.

Yeah, I know.

But I'm probably not so insane that I can't get myself to the post office. Remember to enter my great giveaway for your chance at fame, fortune, and presents.