Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Don’t mind me. I’m just hyperventilating in the ladies’ room.

So, I have a habit of hanging out in the ladies’ room.

Not because I’m a perv, or I’m hiding from an evil co-worker. I’ll go in there to do what you do in the ladies’, and then I’ll realize that it’s quiet in there. And it’s white and calm. And the walls are tiled with lovely white subway tile that’s laid vertically, not horizontally, which is unusual and strangely pleasing.

Usually, I’ll stand in my stall, take a few deep breaths and then be on my way. But yesterday? Yesterday, I’d been in four hours of meetings with my boss. Yesterday, my world was spinning. And so, I stood in that white, quiet space for about 15 minutes. I lost track of time.

Yes. It was wonderful.

I was jolted out of my peace by the sound of another woman entering the restroom. I walked out of my stall all “Oh, hai – I haven’t just been standing in that stall for half a Scooby Doo. I just went potty like a normal human being. Heh.”

So, it’s nice that I can find a brief respite just down the hall from my cube. But the fact that the ladies’ is a refuge is sort of fucked up. Ok, really fucked up.

All of the messages I’m getting are that my job function is going to be making the best of a bad situation for the next 12 months. It’s a stressful job, but I am well paid and in the general scheme of things, I am one incredibly fortunate Cha Cha.

I need to find a way to disengage from the stress, to not take it personally, to not drag it home with me every night in my ipod case. I’m about a bajillion times calmer now that I have been at any other point in my life. I think this helps, and/or is a symptom of the degree to which I’m already disengaging.

However, I need to take another step away. For my sanity, my health, my relationship and my ability to continue in this job.

I don’t think that hiding out in the ladies’ room is the answer, but for the time being, it doesn’t hurt.

2 comments:

Mrs. G. said...

Perhaps you could write haiku on the stall walls. I find poetry(and gin)soothing.

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