Sunday, July 13, 2008

Do not cross us or we will cut you. Bitches.

Yes, of course I'm talking about me and my mom.

We are getting to the bottom of a mystery: the mystery of the cancer running rampant in our family. Our investigation has involved lots of questions, lots of tears, and genetic counseling. The deal is that if my mom tests positive, then I will be tested. If she doesn't have a genetic mutation, there's no reason for me to be tested.

We have been waiting.

And in the midst of my marathon o' freelancing, my mama called. She had test results for two of the three genes we are investigating.

Negative for mutation. Both. Negative.

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson: Jesus Allah Buddha, I love you all!

We are still waiting for results on the third gene. It could take up to six months. But right now, we're two fer three. Not bad.

I was sort of, "Oh, great - thanks!" when I spoke to my mom. I have been Working. I have put in 12 hours of hardcore writing in the last 36 hours. I haven't even thought about packing for the vacation I begin in 14 hours.

The writing has been completed and sent to the client. I'm starting to decompress. And I'm starting to really think about this.


On one hand, I'm all, "Genetic mutation, you can kiss my ass! Go fuck yourself and that sickly horse you rode in on. I fart in your general direction!"

And on the other hand, I am deeply, deeply thankful. And hopeful - but not too hopeful - that we can go three for three. Please.

It's not that I can't deal with it if the third ends up being positive. I can, and I am meant to live to be a very old woman. I know this in my soul. It's just different now ... now, it's more important that I'm alive and healthy. Now, if something happens to me, it's not just me ... I want to spare Mr. Wonderful. Please, oh please.


  1. Yes, you can go three for three. Thus, dying in a warm bed at an old age, just like the lady from Titanic. Only please, please, before you throw the necklace overboard... give it to someone who would look real nice in it.

  2. Yeah! So glad for you both right now.