Thursday, July 29, 2010

My gift to you.

You know, I've learned some stuff at Corporate Behemoth.

Today, I learned that my boss' boss will start to look through you if you answer his question honestly instead of telling him what he wants to hear.

A few months ago, I learned that it is indeed possible to become senior high muckety muck of all of Corporate Behemoth, even if you don't wash your hands after using the restroom.

And today?

Today, I'm going to share a bit of useful knowledge that you won't find in any business textbook or pick up in any MBA course. But it's real, and it's important.

You ready?

Here goes.

If you have a lunch meeting, and you bring in your lunch from Chipotle? For the love of all that is holy, don't order the burrito. Order the bowl. Because there is nothing businesslike about shoving a seven-inch-diameter burrito down your throat. And your coworkers - and subordinates - will never, ever look at you again without thinking of your flip-top head and how you looked hunched over a droopy tortilla, pinto bean juice running down your chin.

Now, don't get me wrong: I love me some Chipotle. My team goes there for lunch every Wednesday, and it's a bit of an event. I have even calculated the fat and caloric content of all of my favorite Chipotle combinations. But hear me now and listen to me later: the burrito is for private dining. It's not for a date. And it's certainly not for any business situation.

Just between us? You know my boss' boss, who looked through me when I was honest instead of a yes man? It's OK. Because while I might be invisible to him, whenever I look at him? I see the giant-ass burrito I saw him eat in a meeting and now cannot unsee, no matter how hard I try.


nestra said...

I love reading your blog but ugh!!! I did not need to know what the real fat and caloric content of my beloved burritos. Some things I am just better off in a state of blissful ignorance about.

Angie said...

You are the perfect Gary Larson/Scott Adams comic combination of our generation!

Anonymous said...

Oh my.
At least you have a good image to attach to the boss's boss now. A giant burrito. Nice.

Caron said...

Excellent advice. I once had a boss with enormous bosoms who was pregnant so hey had taken on a life of their own. She stretched backward in her chair for all it was worth and...and...I'd rather have seen her eat a burrito. We ladies in the office have a jubior high joke about bananas. Oh the hilarity. when one of us is caught eating a banana, we giggle and apologize!

hope505 said...

Thank god it wasn't you, cha cha!! Thank GOD.
* : D
and: I miss Chipotle...we don't have them here. They had a salsa that would make me cry, but I loved it so MUCH!

slow panic said...

you know you would think if you were smart enough to become the bosses boss you'd be smart enough to think about your business lunch meeting choices.