Thursday, August 30, 2012

Where my mind goes while my body's on the treadmill.

I made a fantastic discovery today.

If you go to the gym at 10, you can watch "The Price Is Right" while you do your time on the treadmill. I freakin' love that show. Now, granted, it's not the same since your favorite octogenarian and mine, Bob Barker, retired. But Drew Carey does a serviceable job, and I appreciate how the audience is now encouraged to wear crazy shirts and camp it up. Because any show with a plot dependent upon the price of Dinty Moore Beef Stew is a campy show.

The 1 downside to watching "The Price Is Right" at the gym is that the treadmills face the window, right by the street. And so I'm pretty sure that people driving by saw me make some pretty interesting faces ... because you have to be dead inside not to get excited for the 20-year-old guy whose life was just changed by winning a truck. And don't even get me started about the grandma who guessed the price of the next item up for bid exactly, and so won $500 in cash.

The show just makes me happy. So, to all you people who drove by the gym and saw that crazy treadmill lady with a mug like she'd broken the hinges on her jaw? You're welcome.

"The Price Is Right" also made me consider a different career path. My current state of unemployment has caused random thoughts to pop into my head of the "Maybe I could do that" variety. Dog walker, grocery bagger, nanny and street-sweeper driver are all on this list. And today? I've gotta add spokesmodel.

Now, I'm not naive enough to believe I've got what it takes to be 1 of Carey's Cuties. I mean, I know I can't stand around in 5-inch heels and still smile. But maybe I could be a spokesmodel in more sensible shoes - like, at 1 of your lesser car shows. Or perhaps on QVC. I am confident in my ability to model polyester slacks and those matching blouses with the elastic band at the waist. Koret, I am even willing to sign an exclusive contract. Call me!

What seemingly outlandish job do you think would be a perfect fit for you?


Anonymous said...

Because I've met you in person, I know you're definitely cute enough to be a spokesmodel! (I hope that doesn't sound creepy). I think the strangest job I'm qualified for is one I had the summer I was 14--game hawker at a Renaissance Faire. The game I ran was the "throw the stone in the goblet game." I hawked it by screaming in an English accent all weekend for two months. The stones were those little glass gems some people put in vases. No shit, I had to hide those little gems every night because otherwise the "faeries" would come steal them. Um, because fairies like shiny things. Some people get REALLY into Renaissance Festival. -Jessie

Dorrie said...

a giftwrapper at a store.

Kelley said...

Co-sign with Jessie, you would be a cute spokesmodel!

Back when I got out of high school, I worked at Spencer Gifts at the mall. I was really good at ear piercing! Sure, it's easy with the 'gun' they use, but I could always get the holes even and was able to do it so quick that the little ones didnt' even have time to cry! So if anyone needs a professional ear piercer, here I am!

ilyanna said...

I desperately want to be a Spanish language announcer. Granted, my spanish isn't that good (yes, I'm a gringa) but they are SO DARN HAPPY! Plus I love saying "Sabado Gigante!" in a big deep (yes, I'm a girl) voice. It makes me giggle every time.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

I want someone to pay me to sit and beach and document the freak show of giant people in teeny bathing suits, toddlers in the waves alone while Mom talks on her cell phone and the family that brings a bucket of KFC and a bag of cheetos for every member of the family

Rainbow Motel said...

Fact checker. Trivia researcher. Ever see the movie "Desk Set" (screenplay by Nora Ephron's parents--Harry and Phoebe)? I want Katherine Hepburn's job. No kidding.

Becky Brown said...

These all sound amazing. I want to join you! I'd also like to have a job where I get paid to critique people's outfits in the elevators of various corporations. Why? Because a) I'm critical; and b) People do not understand "business casual."