1. Toilets are AMAZING. They offer a rich bouquet of fragrances and we should all strive to get as close to that olfactory palette as possible. This includes - but is not limited to - trying to climb inside the toilet.
2. It is possible to get stuck behind the toilet.
3. If you should get stuck behind the toilet, scream like you are being actively mauled by a bear. If you can do this in the dark to further confuse your pack, all the better.
|Toilet kidnapping aftermath: Total exhaustion.|
5. Schedule bringing home a new pup to coincide with the delivery of nine cubic yards of mulch. The newest family member understands each and every wood chip deserves to be chewed and perhaps even carried inside.
6. Nine cubic yards of mulch is approximately 32,627,973 mouthfuls of mulch.
7. Mulch does not match our interior design.
8. It is impossible to pee outside while surrounded by fresh mulch. There are too many smells.
|"Hey! Did you guys know there's mulch up here?"|
10. That goes for bracelets, too.
11. And that sweater with the fringy stuff on it.
12. Also the quilt grandma made.
13. Water tastes better out of someone else's glass. It is worth scaling a side table to reach.
|It's an immersive experience.|
15. If not having the entire pack in the same room is a crisis, having a pack member in the shower is THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED. You just don't know if or when somebody can come back from that. Screaming and scratching on the shower door is mandatory.
16. Miniature dachshunds are crabby and way too touchy. They snap when you try to tackle them.
|"Will somebody get this bro away from me? Who invited this guy, anyway?"|
|"And this is how it's done, kids. Watch and learn."|