Letters, oh we get letters.

Tracye wrote: Nyquil is a good - no, GREAT - bedfellow - but he is not a longterm partner. He's a one-to-two night stand. Three max, and by the third night he's beginning to lose interest in helping a gal out. Don't abuse Nyquil, just love him for the shortterm.

Girl, you ain't lyin'. That is so, so true. I feel rather rode hard and put away wet, as I have been around the cold medicine block. So, I broke it off with NyQuil, deciding to go with the non-drowsy cough syrup coupled with not one but two Advil PMs. Sounds good, right?

No! That cocktail kept me up until four in the morning. You try staying awake on two Advil PMs - it is a trip.

But what kind of sick (literally) moron am I? I'm the kind of sick moron who tries this recipe for disaster a second night and is surprised when doing the same thing gets the same results.

I won't even go into how I realized today that I felt like my entire body was carbonated and maybe I was having side effects from the non-drowsy (read: laced with meth) cough syrup.

I've been drinking a ton of water and eating fish tacos in an effort to cleanse my system.

What were we talking about again?

Sherilee wrote: I'm curious which of Cathy Lamb's you'd recommend for a first-time reader?

Hmm. You really can't go wrong. They are all fast, fun reads. The first I read was Julia's Chocolates, which I recommend mostly because I love the visual of abandoning your wedding dress in a tree at the side of a road.

I'm not giving anything away. It's on the cover of the book.

My conscious asked: Speaking of your year-end posts, dear Cha Cha, you sorta left us hanging on what your plans are for 2010. What gives?

Yeah, well, Wretched Cold sort of took over any thoughts I had toward the future. It made me think back wistfully to my younger days, like, "I used to wear jewelry and sing and wear bras. Those were the days!" I was in the autumn of my years. But now I've started to feel better and am less, you know, at death's door.

So, basically, I have two resolutions for the new year. The first is a continuation of last year's goal to cook more. I like to cook, and last year I received some kick-ass knives for Christmas. This year, I received a kick-ass blender, and I gave myself a little present in the way of The Earthbound Farm Cookbook. It's the sort of cookbook I dig - gorgeous color photos of all of the recipes, because I'm a visual learner. And all sorts of useful info about eating organic and knowing where your food comes from.

The second resolution?

Umm? It's sort of shameful.

See, I'm an editor. But really? I'm an editorial manager. At a Fortune 500 company. Not that I'm hot shit (I'm not), but just some context. I'm an editor / editorial manager ... and I don't know the proper usage of lay and lie.

I KNOW!

I'll learn it, but then I'll see something shiny or Hoarders will come on TV or Lil' Frank will poo on the floor ... and I totally forget about my romance with the tricky verbs. I get it, but I never really embrace it and make it my own. I flirt with it and then forget allll about it.

So, 2010 is the year I finally master lay / lie / lain / laid / lalala.

I feel as though I have totally just thrown down the gauntlet. Bwah ha! Verb mastery shall be mine - and no wind, no rain, no trash TV shall stand in my way!

Wish me luck.

The mix tape: always appropriate.

When NyQuil and I started out this week, I was so in love. Our song was totally "Love of a lifetime" by Firehouse.

Then, a few days later? Things were OK, but not, you know, great. I saw the danger signs. Totally "Tryin' to get the feeling again" by your favorite artist and mine, Barry Manilow.

And last night? After a day of hacking and two hot showers meant not to extinguish my considerable funk but to break up some of the crap in my lungs and sinuses? A day of desperately wanting to leave my house but also wanting to just go to bed to escape the mucus-drenched reality of my life?

Yeah. NyQuil totally did not deliver. But why? What did I do wrong? All I ever did was love you, NyQuil! Why are you failing me now?

I can honestly say that as I stewed in bed, awake, hacking, and totally pissed off, I entertained myself by coming up with a playlist. A playlist of the mix tape that I'd make for NyQuil to let him know in no uncertain terms that dude, we are over.

Goodbye to you - Scandal
I hate myself for loving you - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
You don't own me - Leslie Gore
Here I go again - Whitesnake
You're so vain - Carly Simon
Heartbreaker - Pat Benatar
Time for me to fly - REO Speedwagon

And, of course, the greatest break-up song evah: Tyrone by Erykah Badu.



What songs did I miss? And what new cold medicine will knock me out appropriately?

Obviously, I'm delirious with fatigue. Be glad that I'm still sequestered away at home, keeping my funk and germs and general lack of sanity to myself.

Cha Cha's Stuff of 2009: This is Your Life Edition.

Please tell me that I'm not the only person who spent their New Year's Day eating Triscuits and watching Bravo's The Biggest Loser marathon.

Anyone?

Oh-kay, then.

Wretched Cold is totally rocking the casbah. Today, I managed to take a shower and put on a bra. Yesterday? My biggest accomplishment was brushing my teeth and putting on clean jammies before My Guy came over. He brought milk, bread, my favorite Dannon coffee-flavored yogurt, and two varieties of Kleenex. And later, he went out and bought me the ultimate "I've given up and now admit that I'm totally sick" gear: ginger ale and Vicks Vaporub.

Honestly? It was pretty much the best New Year's Eve. As he walked in with his Walgreens bounty, I told My Guy, "This is my Valentine's Day. Thank you for loving me so much."

And because he is brilliant, he just looked at me and said, "Well, would you let me know when you think your birthday is, then? Because obviously our calendars are not in sync."

Bwah ha ha!

So, interesting stuff I'm hacking up and over-the-counter pharmaceuticals aside, let's take a look back at Cha Cha's 2009.

Best adventure

I don't know if sitting on your ass can be considered an adventure, but spending a week at a really nice hotel on a really nice beach with my really nice mom was really, really awesome. I highly recommend it.

Best family addition / cause of outrageous and unexpected bills

Oh, Lil' Frankfurter. Your listing on Petfinder called you shy and submissive ... obviously, whoever wrote that never met you. I'd sue them for false advertising, except that I'm too busy trying to sell a kidney to pay for your veterinary mishaps. And adoring you endlessly.

Best tender-hearted mainstay

The pillar of the pack: Foxie Doxie. I found you today, curled up on the bed with a wrapped chocolate next to you. You hadn't opened it, but you were ashamed and didn't understand why I laughed when took the prize away. I love you every day, even when you rub your arse on my arm. Which is quite often. I guess you're marking me as yours.

Best $5 spent all year

Was there ever any doubt?

No.

Most awesomest thing that made me cry

Hearing on Christmas morning all of the amazing things my family did to celebrate the season. Families were adopted. Food pantries were restocked. Winter coats were purchased. Animal shelters were supported. Salvation Army bells were rung. And I fell in love with my family all over again.

Best gift

This is something I am still in the process of giving myself. It's the freedom to love, and to allow myself to be loved in return. And it's letting go of the past - forgiving but still remembering what I learned. Obviously, one is a work in progress, and I'm OK with that.

Best discovery

I make a pretty damn good bloody mary. Obviously, this is a life skill that will serve me well in the coming years.

My Guy asked me last night if I had any resolutions for 2010, but that was right about the time the NyQuil kicked in. Stay tuned ... we'll explore the possibilities tomorrow with Cha Cha's Stuff of 2010: What's Your Deal?

Cha Cha's Stuff of 2009: Entertainment Edition

I'm home. And I have a wretched cold. And I had to spend an hour shoveling my driveway before I could get my car in the garage and the stuff and the dogs out of the car. Pooooor Cha Cha!

So, let's not dwell on my mucus situation or the state of my driveway. Let's talk, instead, about what was kick-ass (and not so kick-ass) about 2009.

Keep in mind that this isn't necessarily stuff that came out new this year. It's stuff that I experienced this year. And I'm lame and not cool and certainly not hip, so that might mean this is old stuff that's just new-to-me.

And yes, I totally cribbed this post concept from last year. But I'm high on cold medicine. Cut me some slack.

Best memoir
The Kids Are All Right. The Welch kids were orphaned in 1985 and then basically split up. The story is horrifying, but the book is a statement on resilience and the power of family. Plus, since each for the four kids wrote sections of the book, it's a unique comment on memory, perception, and what we will ourselves to forget.

Best adventure
Harry Truman's Excellent Adventure. I seriously loooooved this book. Imagine - a world where former presidents have no Secret Service detail and think they can just take a road trip across the country. Well, that's how it was in 1953. Harry and Bess loaded up the Chrysler and took off, and then were surprised by all the attention their little trip garnered. This book is a gem.

Best nonfiction book(s)
I listen to a lot of books on CD, even though I call them "books on tape" because that just seems to roll off my tongue a lot easier than "books on CD." Anyway, I'm at the mercy of the library's CD selection and therefore listen to some stuff that I wouldn't usually read. I suppose this is good. This year, I really enjoyed listening to several of Jimmy Carter's books. I guess I've had a thing for former presidents lately.

First of all, he reads them and I love his sweet Georgia drawl. Secondly, dude has had a fascinating life! He tells of his adventures with a deep respect for the people he meets and a deep sense of responsibility to do all he can to make the world a better place. We should all be so lucky ... and so responsible and loving.

Best new "Ohmygod I have to read everything she's written" author
Cathy Lamb. I've read her three novels. The latest was published four months ago. Think she'll publish another one, say, next week? Because I'm ready.

Best surprise by a previously disappointing author
The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder by Rebecca Wells. I loved Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, but found Wells' other two books to be, well, shitty. However, my mom brought this book to Florida and in our book trades back and forth, I read this in one glorious poolside day. Great story. Loved it. Not gonna win any hoity-toity awards, but I liked it.

Best book that I thought would be fluff but was a serious novel that was good. Real good.
Firefly Lane. Yes, it's about these women and their friendship and blah blah blah ... but it's also about how folks evolve as individuals and in relationships, what women sacrifice and what they gain from those trade-offs.

Wow - I keep adding books to this list. Guess I really do like to read. Yes, I'm an English major!

But, I also like to watch moving pictures.

Best based-on-a-true-story movie
The Blind Side. I know I've written about this movie quite a bit lately, but I just totally loved it. I will now do you a giant favor and refrain from a) talking about this movie AGAIN and b) telling you about the latest dream I had featuring characters from this film. You're welcome.

Best based-on-a-blog movie
Julie and Julia. I sort of wanted to kick Julie in the head sometimes, but I also came away wanting to learn more about Julia and her lovely husband. I have a couple of books checked out about the Childs but haven't had a chance to dig in yet. Perhaps those books will appear on my 2010 list. Stay tuned.

Best use of a national treasure in a movie
The Proposal. Not because it was super awesome in every way (just in some ways), but because it brought Betty White to the big screen. I love her. And I'm not just saying that because I watch more Golden Girls reruns than the average octogenarian. I'm saying it because she's got brilliant comedic timing and it's just funny to hear grandmas talk about the S-E-X.

Best holiday movie
You know it, I know it, and yet I still feel compelled to point it out: Trading Places. Again.

Worst movie ever in the history of movies
Funny People. I hated this movie. It was too long. It was about people you don't give two shits about. I hate Jonah Hill anyway because he plays the same guy in every movie he's in. And I got a migraine during this movie but didn't ask My Guy to leave because I thought he was loving the movie, only to find out later that he hated it, too. This movie is dead to me!

Most disgusting new TV show
Hoarders. I've learned that you can't watch it while you're eating. I've also learned that it's awesome to keep an episode on your DVR for when you need inspiration to clean your damn house already. Yikes.

Best TV as a drinking game
Steven Seagal: Lawman. Now, I wanted to love this show just on principle alone. What could possibly make better TV than Steven Seagal being a real-life cop? Sadly, the answer to that is complicated ... because he's not really a real cop. He's a reserve deputy sheriff. Which means that he does training on marital arts and self defense, but other than that ... he rides along with real deputies and says stuff like, "Get 'em, Johnny!"

Oh, the disappointment.

However, My Guy and I determined that Steven Seagal: Lawman is actually a perfect drinking game. You just take a drink anytime he mentions his years of experience in the martial arts ("With more than 40 years of experience in akido, I'm one of the world's master instructors") or anything Zen ("When you shoot your weapon, don't pull the trigger - push the air, like a Zen archer when he pushes the arrow.") I don't know about you, but those quotes alone make me want to drink.

Best funny-all-the-time show
30 Rock. Again. And not just because I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up. But because her show is damn funny.

Up next: Cha Cha's Stuff of 2009: This is Your Life Edition. Stay tuned!

What's the difference between buffalo and bison?

I'm in Iowa. It's cold here. But Christmas was warm and bright.

Unless you are a doxie.

I sort of, umm, had a moment of weakness in the dollar aisle at Target. See, there were these costumes, right? And they were only $2.50 each! So, if I bought two, that was only $5! And what's a mere $5 when it comes to spreading holiday happiness, love, joy, and general goodwill?

Exactly.

So, maybe the costumes didn't fit precisely.

And maybe the kids looked more like bison than reindeer.

But I think the dachshund bison totally spread holiday cheer.

Seriously.
I think it was cold enough that they didn't even mind wearing these get-ups all day long.
Or maybe they're just playing it cool while they plot my untimely death.

Whatever. It was totally worth it.

Just look at her legs.

One of my favorite holiday traditions is David Letterman's Christmas show. Of course, it featured knocking a meatball off the top of a tree with a football. As you do. And it was all capped off by Darlene Love.

Girlfriend has it going ON!



Merry Christmas, my friends!

Conversations with my family.

Mom: So, what'd you guys think of our Christmas letter?

Me: Uh? I liked the pictures a lot.

Poochie: Yeah, the pictures were great.

Me: But, umm? You talked about your awesome trip to Alaska and how Poochie's going to grad school and moved ... and then it said, "And Cha Cha has two dogs."

Poochie: *snort*

Me: You might as well have added, "And she is obviously not married."

Mom: I could send out an addendum.

Poochie: Yeah! And you could ask if anybody needs to get married for a green card or needs to get married so they have someone to cook and clean for them ... those are mostly widowers, but you know, you might get some interest.

Mom: It's not like you have cats. You have dogs.

Me: Right. But you made it sound like, "Cha Cha is our spinster daughter. She has a lovely collection of housecoats and many years of newspapers decorating her home."

Poochie: Hey! Did you get that e-mail I sent you about the movie I liked?

Me: Oh, yeah - Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day? Yeah! You liked it?

Mom: Ooh, that's a good one.

Poochie: Yeah, it was great. And Miss Pettigrew is a spinster!

Me: Oh, nice to see my people represented!

Poochie: But she's poor, and at least you aren't poor. So, you have that going for you.

Me: Hmm. True.

Poochie: And you're not totally pathetic like Miss Havisham. I always wondered ... did she ever take the wedding dress off? Or did she just sit in that dress for however many years and never bathe? Because after two days, I can tell that I need to take a bath. I bet she stank.

Mom: Oh - good point.

Me: Ugh. I never thought about that. Didn't she die in a fire?

Poochie: Yep. Things rarely end well for spinsters.

And ... scene!