Monday, December 7, 2009

I can't hear you over the whining.

I was trying to be a good parent. Really, I was.

I scheduled Foxie Doxie to get his teeth cleaned. Or, as the receptionists and techs at my vet call it, "his Professional Dental Cleaning."

Like, I brought him in this morning and am all, "Mah kidz here to get his teeth did" and they're all, "Foxie is here for his Professional Dental Cleaning!" Like they're trying to brand it as something other than a giant rip-off.


I've been putting this off for years. But, this year, I couldn't ignore the fact that Foxie's teeth were starting to look like they were upholstered with gold shag. You know what I'm talking about. So, off for the Professional Dental Cleaning we go.

The pup did fine. They called me while he was under and asked if I wanted them to pull one of his teeth that was chipped. See, because if it gets infected, they'd have to put him under again to extract it, and we could just be safe and do it now. Although it was possible it had been chipped for eons with no adverse affects.

It was one of his front teeth. I said no. Because I'm a lady, I didn't say "Fuck no," although that was on my mind.


When I picked him up after work, they gave me instructions on brushing his teeth every day (seriously? Have you met Foxie?). And then they brought him out.

Foxie took one look at me ... and then turned the other way. He clearly wanted nothing to do with me, as his body language very succinctly said, "You did this to me, bitch. You are dead to me."

But I did manage to get him in the car. It was at this point that I realized he was leaking. Well, not leaking, but he sounds like a punctured tire. Our evening has featured a soundtrack of one long, continuous, high-pitched cry. Also? Foxie is stoned out of his mind.

For a while, he could only keep one of his eyes open at a time. Now, he can keep them open simultaneously, but not really focused. However, one thing is clear: I am not to be trusted. Also? Dachshunds hold a grudge.

Considering that I'm still holding a grudge against that girl who tried to steal my bike shorts in 1991, I can't judge the pup. And my grudge didn't even involve actual physical pain. Foxie is acting like he'll never regain use of his jaw.

But his teeth? They're sparkly and shiny. Doesn't that count for anything?



You are so right about dogs holding grudges. My sisters Boston Terrier still tries to lay beside me on the sofa over being around her. No matter how much she begs. Cause she was the one that brought Beaux home. Even when Beaux is in my lap he will look at her as if to say....Bitch, you brought this into my house.

Anonymous said...

He'll get one glimpse of his pearly whites in the mirror later after the drugs wear off and love you all over again. Or when you give him enough treats...

mel said...

So, so funny. We had our lab's teeth cleaned a couple years ago (HUGE rip off...and brush every day? pah-lease!) and she was the same way. Could barely keep one eye opened and walking straight was out of the question. She lay around moping for a good 2 days and she looked like someone was pulling down her eyelids for the majority of that time. Thankfully, she's forgiving and still loves the vet.

calista said...

Blech - I have to go to the dentist. I hate the dentist. Unfortunately, I can't glower at my mother for making me go anymore. I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through Foxie.

I tagged you in a meme here if you have time :)

Caron said...

It makes for super-stinky breath when their teeth rot. Our big cat had dental surgery and it all went to heck for him after that. He is OK now, though. But for a while, it sort of messed with him.