Thursday, September 9, 2010

Because I can't blog about anything but boobs.

Guess what I did last week?

I bought a wedding dress.

Yep. It was sort of crazy. My mom came down and we visited three bridal salons. It took until about the middle of our visit to the second salon for us to get over the "OMG, Cha Cha's in a wedding dress and is going to get married!" shock. I just kept saying, "I'm getting married!" And my mom just kept crying.

No one tells you this, but trying on wedding dresses is exhausting. I mean, it's not just that you want to look good - it's that this is the most-photographed ensemble you will ever wear. And you're supposed to have been planning this ensemble since you were 3 years old and wearing slips on your head, pretending they're veils. Nevermind the fact that these gowns are also truly marvels of engineering, tend to be heavy, and make you sort of wish for your pajamas.

But we found a dress. I didn't know at first sight - in fact, we left the salon, had lunch, went to another salon, had a mental breakdown over the third salon's 18-year-old consultant who kept bringing me stuff that I had already said I didn't like, and then returned to the second salon to order The Dress.

And it's a surprise. However, this is my artistic interpretation of the gown.

Yes, there's a reason why I'm a writer and not a visual artist. Whatevs.

So, I'm excited. But the real story with the wedding gown shopping?

My mom insisted that I have a strapless bra to wear dress shopping. This was the staple that was missing from my lingerie wardrobe ... mostly because strapless bras are the boob-management equivalent of driving on ice. No control!

But I saw the rationale of my mama's stance, so before any of the dress-shopping shenanigans, we headed to Nordstrom to get the girls fitted for a strapless bra.

Now, longtime readers might remember my love affair with the Nordstrom lingerie department and my shocking realization three years ago that I was wearing totally the wrong size bra. Like, really, really the wrong size. I shelled out some serious dinero for some seriously nice bras. Nice bras that are now starting to feel a little ... umm ... past their prime.

On our quest for the strapless bra, I figured out why.

Those poor bras have been working overtime. In the last three years, I have gone up TWO CUP SIZES.

I have not been pregnant. I have not gained a ton of weight. I haven't been taking any weird drugs or been doing that "we must increase our bust" exercise from "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret." Evidently, I've just been sitting around, quietly turning into Dolly Parton.

My mom just kept saying, "Honey, people pay good money for those things."

And when I told My Guy? He high-fived me and smiled sheepishly. "Well done," he said. "Well done."

*And, for the record? If you need a strapless bra, go to Nordies. I wore that strapless bra all day and never fell out once! It was a marvel of modern engineering!


CheckerMom said...

You needed a strapless bra for a tent??? :-) So glad you found something, and so so so glad you're so stinkin' happy.

Patti said...

GAhhhh!! I am so excited for you...all of it! I am sorry I wasn't riding my bike on the trail the day of the proposal, I am sorry to have missed the impromptu toast at the downtown restaurant and most of all I wish I had been lurking in the shop when the dress trying on was occurring. My most secret shame is a total addiction to "Say YEs to the Dress" (NY, not so much Atlanta) and to actually get to do that.. in REAL LIFE...
I don't dream of a big wedding for my daughters, I don't even want that, but buying the dress...CAN"T WAIT! Not to criticize your artistic skill, but your illustration is leaving a little to be desired from the standpoint of I NEED THE DETAILS but I will patiently wait for a pic (of you on the big day) and if none is forthcoming I will track you down and see this dress. You know I will do it. Congratulations!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm laughing so hard at Guy's comments! How cool to find the RIGHT DRESS and that picture really gives me a taste of how you'll look on the big day: happy and in white. Awesome! Strapless bra...I can't wear them for the opposite reason: NO RACK! So I have a swag of old Ace Bandage to wrap around when required to go strapless (hahaha).
SO exciting about you, Cha Cha the BRIDE!

jean said...

I gave up trying to go strapless in HS. That was 30 years ago. Time, pregnancy and gravity have not been kind to my boobs. I'm thrilled that you were able to find the dress and the bra! And your Mom crying - classic mom stuff.

sherilee said...

How fabulous it is to find the right dress! I remember well the days of trying on huge white dresses, feeling like I was diving into a giant parachute of silk/satin, hoping to catch a breath on the other side and god forbid not leave a lip gloss mark anywhere. So glad your mom got to be there with you, tears and all. Love that.

Molly said...

I called all the bra shops around my house to see if they carried my size (FF) in a strapless bra. and they were like "nah, we don't carry strapless in anything bigger than a DD" because apparently past a certain point you no longer get to wear strapless stuff!

I went to townshop, a bra place in NYC, that's where i get alllll my bras. I love that place. my strapless bra is a seriously impressive feat of engineering. They stay up, and contained and I want to kiss that bra on the mouth!!

I'm proud of you for growing more boobies. and your guys response, so typical male!

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Holy crap! I haven't even read the whole message yet. I am trying to make this real and catch myself before fainting. Have I missed this much, REALLY? *breathe* *stifle excitement before fainting* *go back and read more*


Tumble Fish Studio said...

Yep, it's true! My little girl is getting married! I have tears running down my cheeks. I'm off to email you as most of what I want to say would be so boring for anyone but you to read - so mushy. Well, it will be boring for you too but it must be written!

This is the best news I've had in a long time. I'm so excited!

And, why in the hell can't my boobs grow, just a little? Why, why, why? I've prayed for boobs since I was 11 and I still have pancakes. I'm so jealous if I weren't so happy for you I wouldn't talk to you.