Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Why God invented rubber gloves.

After getting home from a snowy and festive Christmas in Iowa, My Guy and I consolidated canine households. All four dogs are currently staying at my house. The labradoodles are surprisingly mellow, although they keep sliding around on the wood floors.

There is one slight issue, however. Lady Doodle has a bit of a nervous digestive system. She has, umm, diarrhea. But! Because she's such a smart and good dog? She hasn't had any accidents in the house.

She has, however, had the worst gas imaginable. Like, the entire house smells like farts. Toxic dog farts.

I've sprayed organic oils throughout the house. Candles are burning. But, if we're honest? My house smells like shit.

So, it was only reasonable that this afternoon, the poo stink was so bad that I walked around looking for the doo. And then I realized that somebody had tracked clumps of dirt onto the couch. And then I realized that those clumps weren't dirt.


Foxie Doxie had stepped squarely in a big ol' pile in the yard, then tracked it throughout the house.

We had an emergency bath. I washed three pillow covers and scoured the couch. I washed the floor. I cleaned the kitchen since the emergency bath was in the kitchen sink. And then I threw myself into the car and ran out ... to close on our new house!

Yes. My guy signed our lives away today. And they gave us keys! To our house!

We took pictures of every room.

We decided we're morons because just now - on my third trip to the house, My Guy's fourth - we realized the former usage of the shelf unit in the basement.
Hmm. How useful that each shelf has its own lights!

And then My Guy was all street-smart. "Uh, maybe it was used for ... growing."

So, yeah. We have a pot farm in our basement. Great!

Once we got over that, My Guy commenced replacing the 27 broken lightbulbs around the house, and I commenced cleaning one of the bathrooms.

You know how there's dirty, and then there's willful destruction?

So, yeah. If I'm wiping random brown and yellow stains from walls, window sills, and basically every surface? And if I was at it for more than two hours and still didn't get done? That's willful destruction. And if you're a grown damned man, like the man who lived in the house before it was owned by the bank? You should be able to aim. Just sayin'.

So, basically, I have been dealing with shit all day. Huzzah!

But I did get teary-eyed when we walked into our house for the first time. Our house.
Yes, it warranted a filthy bathroom mirror self portrait. Life is good.


Sara said...

Oh my word!! Random adorable picture if the two of you. Congrats on the house. It's nice it comes equipped for a nice little drug trafficking side business if money gets tight...

Patti said...

YEAH! (not for the dog poop) I think I drove by your house (not sure- cool wood garage doors?) and it is beautiful! How exciting. Even scrubbing away the yellow stains is fun when it is your new home!

Let's just assume that the shelves in the garage were for "patio plants" to come in for the winter. I second Sara, good fallback if corporate behemoth lets you down.

Super adorable picture!!

Molly said...

Pssh, little did you know that you were buying a grow house. Quick girl, break out those DVDs of Weeds and start taking notes!

Oh and Striker has had the MOST FOUL farts lately. he farts. We smell it. We yell STRIKER! and he gets up, looks ashamed and moves to a new location to torment someone else with his farts.

Magic27 said...

Yeah! How exciting (the new house, I mean, not the shit)! I hope you have fun getting your house just how you like it (everytime I see details of property, I start planning how I would set it up... I've moved a lot in my life, I love it!) and that really is a very cute picture!
Can't wait to see a real family portrait (you know, with all the hounds too) and more pictures of your house - I find American homes fascinating: they're so big! so amazing!
Very happy for you, Cha Cha, really very happy!

Anonymous said...

You are ADORABLE! Congratulations (except on the poop issue). I think I'd bleach and scrub any bathroom, regardless of how it looked when I moved in...I'm obnoxious that way. But perhaps if you, ahem, REPLANT that basement garden, you can afford to gut out the bathroom and do it in high style:)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the new house! And the growing shelf. Wowzers. Love love LOVE the picture of the two of you. You both look pleased as punch!

8 said...

So excited for you and guys for the house!!!!
Now where was Krampus in all of this????

sherilee said...

I totally agree with your title re: rubber gloves. Almost any chore is made better with a little latex separation.

Love the picture of the happy two of you!