How I spent my summer vacation, part IV: All I need is the air that I breathe.

It’s been awhile. Let’s recap.

Part I: Dave Grohl pisses me off.

Part II: I worship at the porcelain altar.

Part III: I don’t drown.

Which brings us to Part IV: The greatest and most gaseous day ever.

Mr. Wonderful and I had Words about how our vacation was not turning out as he had planned. Because I had obviously planned to enjoy altitude sickness. There was grouchiness.

And then, we met Stu.

Stu works in the visitors’ center at Rocky Mountain National Park. And if you need to know anything about anything, Stu is your man.

Stu set us up on a hike to Cascade Falls. Picture it: walk five miles, starting out on a private driveway (!) along the Colorado River (!) and end up along the most gorgeous waterfall ever.

There were so many reasons why it should have been an awful day. The mosquitoes were vicious, even biting through clothes. I looked like I had chicken pox, as I was covered head to toe, despite repeated applications of Off.

We were noshing on nothing but Balance bars, which we later figured out are the nutrition bar equivalent of refried beans. Seriously. We were both so incredibly farttastic that we began warning each other to pick up the pace and outrun the funk … as if the other person hadn’t heard the fart to begin with.

And we got caught in a mid-afternoon thunderstorm. In the mountains. Safety? Not so much.

But I must tell you, it was amazing.

The falls are incredible, and the entire trek just felt like such a gift. I love water, and the sound of the falls was so soothing.

The crappy thing about the mountains is that no photo, no description can ever do it justice. So I’m going to stop trying, and just say that it was good for my soul.

This day was three weeks ago. As I mentioned before, I returned to Corporate Behemoth to the sprint-to-the-finish portion of a drawn-out and painful project. I’m struggling with where I belong, both professionally and personally. And the beauty of those falls seems very far away.

I’m going to Oregon next week and hope that it will act as a stress-relieving booster shot. Because Cha Cha? Is exhausted. And spent the day shuttling the Geriatric Poodle to his holistic vet, then taking Foxie Doxie to the other vet clinic, as he had been barfing and shitting since 2 a.m.

And my house smells like you’d expect.

Next: Dave Grohl makes it up to me.