Thursday, April 15, 2010

Corporate wardrobe roundup.

It's been unseasonably warm the last 10 days, and you know what that means.

Yes. Unfortunate fashion choices abound at Corporate Behemoth.

I can forgive the white pants even though it's early April. But I can't help but cast a critical eye on the sandals.

Strappy sandals? OK. But thongs? Really? Not appropriate in a corporate environment.

Also? I'm a horrible person, but ... if you have really gnarly feet? Don't wear sandals to work. Seriously. Because even in the coldest, darkest depths of next winter, I will look at you and think, "Eww."

Speaking of fashion emergencies ... my coworkers and I visited a call center today. It was "Leisurewear Day," which is evidently corporatespeak for "Pajama Day." We saw a lot of overweight people in pajama pants. But one of the supervisors told us that even "Leisurewear Day" required some guidelines.

"Basically, if you can see down it, up it, or through it, don't wear it!" he announced.

So true. And not just on Leisurewear Day. Every day.

Which brings me to the boobs.

If you haven't already, visit my racktacular post and leave a comment to raise money for Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

But what does this have to do with Corporate Behemoth?

See, there's this woman who works on my floor. She's maybe in her late twenties. I'm thinking she might have had a baby in the last few years. And she ... well, she could use a new bra.

Seriously. They shouldn't be grazing your belt when you're under 30.

And I don't mean to be mean or hypercritical, but I think, "Ohmygod! I can help you! Go to Katie at Nordstrom and she will fit you properly and then you'll know what size you need and then you can buy bras anywhere! You'll have a new outlook on life and will look 20 pounds lighter! Your current bras make you look haggard! And nobody likes haggard boobs!"

But I don't know this woman at all. And I think I would probably get fired if I followed my gut instinct and just grabbed her knockers and propped them up as I passed her in the hall. I wouldn't mean it creepy-like - just more of a "Now, isn't that better?" I'd be a goodwill ambassador for proper bra fittage.

No?

Yeah, I'd probably get fired, good intentions or not.

At least My Guy supports me. His comment? "People need to know about lift and separate!"

7 comments:

say that i am you said...

It has been much too warm around my area too and that unfortunately always brings out the masses of tacky and ugly. My gawd, I just want to buy loads of mirrors and pass them out to all the trash-tastic hussies in my 'hood.

And feet?? Hell to the no. If those things are nasty you've GOT to cover them up!! Think of the rest of please!!

Swinging boobs are totally out of style. I think the gal would probably appreciate some help.

Cyndi B. said...

"I'd be a goodwill ambassador for proper bra fittage"

Now there is a noble cause! I mean, really, haven't we all seen someone that could use a quick tutorial on how to buy a bra?

Cha Cha...I always know that when I'm feeling crappy, you'll post something that gives me a giggle. Thanks and have a great weekend!

Banjo @ Unfabulousness said...

I agree! Nasty feet? Keep them covered up! Nobody wants to see them!
As for the boobs: leave Katie's card on her desk with a note. You need to tell her because I bet she could use the lift, I mean both physically and mentally!

My word verification is fillicar: so I ask myself: what would I fillicar with? Laughter!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I really think she'd be so grateful. A lot of us are running around without a clue of where to start fixing those problems...I can envision you as an ambassador!

slow panic said...

i'm telling you i looked 20 years younger once i had a bra fitting.....

Iron Needles said...

I once had a co-worker that had a heck of rack. I asked once what she had done over the weekend. She replied she had spent alot of it 'jumping on a trampoline with her nieces'.

All I could think of was...'how did she do that without knocking herself out??'

She did end up with a reduction procedure.

Wenderina said...

I remember sitting in a male VP office the day our company decided to institute casual dress as standard. He looked shell-shocked. When I asked him why he confided in me that he could just imagine the conversations on inappropriate dress he was going to have to have with women. He wasn't saying men aren't inappropriate too, but the scary talks were all about boobage, toe cleavage, belly button piercings, short shorts/skirts, lowrise and peeks at thongs, etc. Turns out he had every reason to worry. People lose their freakin' minds when it comes to casual dress, I swear.

My work wardrobe is so formal that yesterday (A FRIDAY!) when I wore pressed jeans, heels and a black blazer and people commented on "Jeans!" when other people wear stretchy pants and t-shirts every day. It's very unpopular I know, but I'd like to re-institute suits in the workplace! Jeans and PJs are for those work from home days.