Thursday, November 8, 2012

Behold my dog, Destroyer of Worlds!

Over the last few months, I've been obsessed with Dogshaming.com. And when I say obsessed, I mean checking it several times a day. It makes me laugh with gems like this:
 And this:
I love the site because it shows dogs (hellloooo? super like!) and gives an idea of their individual personalities. Also, it makes me feel less alone in parenting canine hellions.

Yes. It's that time of year again. The time of year when the labradoodles sometimes stay inside because it's cool or rainy. The time of year when Lady Doodle gets bored and pissed off and so acts out.

Ahem.

If I were to submit a photo to Dogshaming, it could be this one:
Other alternate captions include but are not limited to:
  • You know that scarf that you've spent hours knitting for my dad? Yeah. I ate it. I simply cannot abide knitting needles in my house. Rage! I am filled with rage!
  • You know your favorite gloves, the really nice ones with the Thinsulate? The ones you got on sale? Yeah. I ate one of 'em. It was taunting me. Don't let the bows in my hair fool you - I am a wrathful bitch.
  • Remember that time you were bragging to my dad that you'd gone to the dentist and had a new toothbrush and it was yours and he couldn't use it? Yeah. I ate it. Hubris got cha!
  • Remember how you were feeling all smug because you got a bunch of Christmas shopping done? Yeah. I ate one of those gifts. Hubris in da house!
  • Do I even need to mention how I feel about your new throw pillows? Yeah. Didn't think so. Good luck picking up all those feathers.
So many possible captions. So little time.

Seriously - so little time. All of this shit has gone down in the last month - and yes, my kid acting out does coincide with me going back to work. I know. I know!

I'm working, and I'm busy dealing with the intense shame of having to tell a librarian that my dog ate my library book. Well, and my disappointment in her response when I mentioned Dog Shaming. She was all, "People submit photos with signs? What's the point?"

At this point I died a little. "Umm ... it's funny."

She continued processing my credit card. "Oh - OK."

And then I proceeded to tell her that she totally needed to get fitted for a bra because she had quadraboob. OK, not really. But I wanted to. Something tells me she would not have found the humor in the situation.

Make me feel better. What's your dog done lately that's been insane?

First 2 images courtesy of dog-shaming.com. Go there. Laugh. Because it is funny.

6 comments:

smalltownme said...

I have cats. One would hold the sign: "I overshoot the litter box."

Kelley said...

I LOVE dogshaming.com!! I emailed several photos from the site to my hubby and said, 'This is why we don't need a dog'. Because *I* would be the one dealing with the chewed library books, etc. and I don't know if my psyche can take it.

I do beleive they've started a cat-shaming site as well. Off to google!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh, sweetie, you were talking to a CAT person. And librarians are almost always CAT people.
That cracked me up. Dogs. So much destructive energy. No wonder they remind me of kids.

thea mia said...

It's funny too see a dog with a tag that says "I lick furniture". At least the dog is honest. Lol. Nice one there. It's cool and very enjoyable here.

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Patti said...

I was a cat person. I saw a picture of a cute puppy on FB and next thing I knew I had an 8 wk old spawn of satan. Sure, she was cute, and funny. Now, four months later she has eaten my Danskos, two pair of my daughter's slutty shoes (thank you) , chewed every chair and table leg and torn the bottom out of any upholstered item in the downstairs. She has terrorized the cats to the point that the diabetic one either won't leave the basement or stays upstairs holding it for so long that he eventually peed on my bed. Twice. And my son's bed. My free dog has cost me $300 in training and she is still a wild ass monster. I am shelling out $1300 for a fence to contain her and I live in fear that it won't work. I walked her for two hours today and she is still so wild that she nearly dislocated my arm and knocked me over when my neighbor came by. As I am typing this she is trying to dig up the neighbors fence after shredding a soccer ball (1 of 3) I hold you responsible Cha Cha after all your cute dog pictures and talk of puppy love. I obviously overlooked the parts about ruined bedding and destroyed possessions, but someone has to be responsible for this mayhem that I have visited on my life so I choose you.
I love her and I hate her. I can't believe I had time to type this comment and only had to get up twice (once to bring her in, the other to pull her off my daughter). I could be on dog shaming every single day of the week. My dog's sign would say " I am a face licking, door scratching, fence digging, shoe eating, couch ripping cushion digging food stealing counter jumping dinner begging arm breaking old lady tripping cat chasing mother f-ing nightmare except I make sure everyone is AWAKE by my loud and endless barking" signed Olive.
Help me....

sherilee said...

I love how you call your husband "dad" to the dogs. I do that too, much to MY husband's great annoyance. Something about the dog not being human, or some such nonsense.

Love the dogshaming! Alas, all I have right now is one very well behaved dog. Go figure. (And I'll knock on the nearest wood.)