Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Never show weakness!

I think the Christmas tree has messed with Foxie Doxie's head.

It's the only change in our house I can think of that might have driven my little dachshund to lose his mind more than usual. On the best of days, he's the type of kid who should wear a helmet. But lately? Lately, he needs to be in a Hannibal Lecter-esque full-body restraint, complete with the the face mask.

See, Foxie is marking more than normal. Like, turn-my-back-for-3-seconds-and-he's-peeing-on-the-fridge kind of marking.

I realize this isn't news. But it has me considering psychoanalysis for my dog.

The other morning, Foxie fell down the steep stairs that lead to our bedroom. These are the same stairs that are so narrow that they necessitated we cut our box spring in half in order to get it to our bedroom. Those scary stairs.

Foxie missed a step and bounced down the bottom half of the stairs, much like Wile E. Coyote. It happened in slow motion, complete with me being all, "Noooooooo" and trying to somehow catch the dachshund, despite the fact that my athletic skills are amoebic at best.

So, Foxie fell down the stairs and ended up under a chair, halfway across the dining room. Time stood still as we looked at each other, both kind of like, "What the hell?" Then, I went into Mommy Mode, cooing over him, patting him down for any exposed bones or gushing wounds.

I sized him up. He sized himself up. We both decided he was freaked out but fine. We both let out a sigh of relief, and Foxie started to melt into a little mommy love as I attempted to smother away any bruising.

Except. Then, he realized that the other 3 dogs had witnessed his stunt-man-worthy fall. They had seen him freak out and how he let his mommy fawn all over him. He needed to regain his man card.

It was at this point that Foxie puffed up like a middle manager. He literally grew in stature as he made purposeful eye contact with each of the other dogs. Then, he did what any self-respecting dude would do: He walked over to a wall, lifted his leg, and peed.

Again, just like a middle manager. Mark your territory, boys!

I went ballistic. But Foxie was not concerned. Or at least he was playing it cool in front of the other kids.

This is what I'm dealing with. Doggie shrink recommendations are most welcome.

6 comments:

JL said...

Came here from Derfwad Manor, and I'm enjoying your archives.

May I suggest a cummerbund for your marking challenge? Do a search on "dog cummerbunds" to find many options. You can even get them in seasonal fabrics for that festive touch. I'm curious about how he'll react the first time he marks with it on when you laugh instead of getting upset.

Mrs. G. said...

I'm thinking FD might be on to something. I may trying peeing in place to make my point now and again.

My mom swears by the cumberbunds JL mentions.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Cracking up a the vision you've not planted in my head of a dog wearing a tiny protective helmet. Good grief is that funny!

Claudia from Idiot's Kitchen said...

I'm a visiting derf too and I just have to say that those writer's workshop folks were full of crap. You're a great writer, have plenty to say, and are highly entertaining. I'll definitely be back. Oh, and my friend's Doxie pees on me every time she sees me. If the cumberbund works, let me know and I'll give them one as a gift!

smalltownme said...

"puffed up like a middle manager..." Ha! You have a way with words!

Gary's third pottery blog said...

OH GOSH what a story :)