So, I'd never used a hack saw before.
Much like the fight scene in "Anchorman," I think we can agree that things escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
I'm so, so sorry.
I'm sorry, but I think we can agree that you were a little ... rangy. See, you're a shrub, right? You weren't ever supposed to be pushing 7 feet. I went in with my clippers to cut out all the dead wood, but everything above about 2 feet was dead wood, then more dead wood ... and then 3 leaves on top. Hence your extreme haircut.
The clippers weren't getting through the thicker branches, hence the hack saw. I thought I was just a weakling, but evidently, I was using a saw with a blade intended for cutting metal, not wood. This meant the trimming took forever and made my husband laugh. Well, he laughed at me after he got over his initial shock at the carnage.
It needed to be done. I was just surprised and saddened that it ended up looking so ... destructive.
Please trust that I had only the best intentions, and that I'm sure you're going to come back better than ever - full and lush and the envy of the neighborhood.
If you don't bloom next year out of spite, I understand.
Just please don't die. Because I really don't want to dig out your ancient roots. And because my husband is making fun of me already. Please, team up with me to prove that his foretelling of your demise is wrong. I love you and believe we have a future together.
Two feet tall is a really good look for an azalea. Work it! Own it! Please don't die! I promise I won't trim anything else without adult supervision!