Monday, June 3, 2013

An open letter to the azalea in my front yard.

So, I'd never used a hack saw before.

Much like the fight scene in "Anchorman," I think we can agree that things escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm sorry, but I think we can agree that you were a little ... rangy. See, you're a shrub, right? You weren't ever supposed to be pushing 7 feet. I went in with my clippers to cut out all the dead wood, but everything above about 2 feet was dead wood, then more dead wood ... and then 3 leaves on top. Hence your extreme haircut.

The clippers weren't getting through the thicker branches, hence the hack saw. I thought I was just a weakling, but evidently, I was using a saw with a blade intended for cutting metal, not wood. This meant the trimming took forever and made my husband laugh. Well, he laughed at me after he got over his initial shock at the carnage.

It needed to be done. I was just surprised and saddened that it ended up looking so ... destructive.

Please trust that I had only the best intentions, and that I'm sure you're going to come back better than ever - full and lush and the envy of the neighborhood.

If you don't bloom next year out of spite, I understand.

Just please don't die. Because I really don't want to dig out your ancient roots. And because my husband is making fun of me already. Please, team up with me to prove that his foretelling of your demise is wrong. I love you and believe we have a future together.

Two feet tall is a really good look for an azalea. Work it! Own it! Please don't die! I promise I won't trim anything else without adult supervision!

6 comments:

smalltownme said...

My husband is a brutal pruner. Most things come back from his harsh touch, so I am sure your azalea will too.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh dear. Your heart was in the right place though!
And I confess to making the same saw mistake, too. Felt really dumb.

Cinny said...

It's like trying to trim your bangs: Oops, a little crooked, so a little more off this side. Now even it up ... and before you know it, your bangs are 1/4 inch long. But they usually grow back out and so will the azalea. In the meantime it's no longer 7 feet tall.

Cinny said...

It's like trying to trim your bangs: Oops, a little crooked, so a little more off this side. Now even it up ... and before you know it, your bangs are 1/4 inch long. But they usually grow back out and so will the azalea. In the meantime it's no longer 7 feet tall.

Ilyanna Kreske said...

DId that once with my roommate's apple tree. She about fell over in horror -- until we got the finest crop EVER of apples. Azalea will reward you.

sherilee said...

I actually think most plants thrive best with a good whacking every now and then. It's when you coddle them that they go all crazy and take over. Show them who's boss, right?! Good for you.