Thursday, August 6, 2009

Flames ... shooting out of my head ...

I woke up yesterday with a bit of a headache. And I woke up late. So, I took a sick day.

It was fabulous.

I napped and knitted and got a massage. Then, Guy With Two Dogs and I went to the movies. We ended up going to the theatre right by Corporate Behemoth ... so, I parked in the Corporate Behemoth garage. And walked across Corporate Behemoth property wearing my "I *heart* caulk" t-shirt.

I felt dirty.

We saw Funny People. This movie? Is neither funny nor about people you give two shits about. I did not enjoy it. In fact, it gave me a migraine. A lovely, throbbing migraine that started around my right eyesocket and radiated throughout my entire being.

For reals. Guy With Two Dogs had to drive me home while I tried not to turn my Honda into a vomit comet. So, instead? I cried. I had a migraine caused by a shitty movie and a super nice guy drove me home and took care of my dogs and I cried and had mascara running down my migrained face.

And Guy With Two Dogs wanted to stay for a bit but I made him leave because I knew I was going to barf. So he left and I worshipped the porcelain god. As I was sitting on the edge of the tub, hurling into the john, I looked up and realized that Foxie Doxie and Lil' Frankfurter we sitting shoulder-to-shoulder. They were studying me, then studying the toilet, then looking at each other. Their glances said without a doubt, "She's not doing that right. Should we tell her? Should we tell her that it's supposed to come out the other end?"

And that is how I learned how to vomit and laugh simultaneously. I plan on putting that skill on my resume. Obviously.

And God punished me for taking a mental health day yesterday. Obviously.

But mostly? Mostly, it was difficult letting Guy With Two Dogs be nice to me. Really, really nice to me. While I was crying, he put his arms around me and said, "Cha Cha, I really care about you. I hate seeing you not feeling well, and I want to do whatever I can to make it better."

And that just made me cry more. I don't need help. Don't be nice to me. If you're nice to me, you'll just turn into an ass later. Don't make me let down my guard. Don't make me truly be myself so that you can then figure out that you hate me, make me crazy, then dump me for either your high school girlfriend or some skank you work with. Don't tell me I'm wonderful just so you can take it back later. Just don't.

And that's the real pain in my head and my heart. Rationally, I know it's insane and unfair. But emotionally? Well, just don't.


Jennifer VM said...

Oh honey! And I probably called right in the middle of all of that! And you're not irrational in the slightest--you're completely normal. I don't blame you a bit for being a bit wary. I just admire the laugh and vomit feature. :)

Love you tons. Mwah!

you gotta wonder said...

Cha Cha I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug. I wish I could make it all better.

For what it's worth - 24 years ago (tomorrow) I married someone I'd dated for 2 months. I love him very much. Sometimes he's an ass, and so am I. It's the way of the world. Don't give up on the guy with 2 dogs just because he might turn out to be an ass sometimes too. I hope that makes sense.

And thanks for making me feel better about saying "no" to Funny People as the movie selection for tomorrow's date (celebrating our 24th anniversary).

Feel better, sister.


Gretchen Hembree said...

I hope you feel better soon! (and it is okay to let your guard down.)

A few months ago I was throwing up and both kids were just sitting at the door of the bathroom looking at me. I felt so vulnerable and they just couldn't understand. Samantha just started balling because she knew Mommy didn't feel well and she didn't know how to fix it. So there I was on my knees, head over the toilet, now holding a (then one year old) in my arms who was balling.

One of the finer moments as a parent. I think Charlie eventually took Sam out of the room and they watched TV.

Ahh....memories. :)

Iron Needles said...

I don't know why there are migraines or why someone can't figure out how to fix them.

Also. The rest? Rings very true. I had a bunch of empathetic hoohaw, but deleted it. Just decided to go with...others feel what you are feeling. You aren't alone.

Anonymous said...

I know how much it freaks you out that GWTD is turning out to be a nice guy. You've heard all the lines and you've still been disappointed. And it is a HUGE leap of faith to put yourself out there on that ledge again. After my divorce, I was absolutely shattered and never EVER wanted to trust a guy again. But that experience taught me a lot about life and made me who I am today, so I realized that IF it happened with Tyler, it would probably only serve to make me a better person in the long run. And lucky me, I found a good guy who wasn't planning on kicking me to the curb. You're doing the right thing by taking it slow with GWTD, and eventually, you'll feel safe enough to let down your guard. And then it will be more awesome than you ever imagined...

Beth said...

Oh Cha Cha. I too suffer from the horrible migraine. And you know the best thing to come from it? My husband was there in the beginning and not afraid of what happens when the debilitating headache started. Like guy w/2 dogs he just wanted to do something, anything to make me feel better. So, really how could a guy willing to watch you cry from extreme pain and feel nauseous and still want to stick around be an ass later. I know it's hard to not be pessimistic what w/the other guys you've dated. But I think this guy sounds great and give him a chance. Even if it's a slow start. He's still here and was willing to let you leave w/Bret. LOL

Hope your feeling better.

Julie said...

I'm sorry you feel like crap. But Guy with Two Dogs sounds awesome.

Also, I have a friend at church who has started what she calls the "migraine diet." So far, all I know about it is that she's totally cut out caffeine. I can find out more if you're interested.