Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Today, the dachshunds made a new friend. That would be Craig the Exterminator.

Craig the Exterminator came to my house to rid it of a plague of ants. I had pretty much decided that the ants were carpenter ants, which do the same sort of damage as termites. Carpenter ants? You're pretty much fucked.

But Craig the Exterminator looked at my ants and announced them to be garden-variety pavement ants who just happened to build a nest in my wall. He sprayed. And the ants will die. And we'll all live happily ever after. Hurray!

But! When Craig the Exterminator first came in the house? Lil' Frankfurter took one look at him and melted. The two became fast friends. And when Foxie Doxie came on the scene? Foxie started barking ... then stopped a few feet short of Craig the Exterminator. Foxie looked him up and down ... and then sauntered over, jumped up and licked Craig the Exterminator's hand.

Guess who's a dog person? It does my heart good.

Having ants sucks. But it was awesome to get a professional's opinion on my newest reality show obsession: Billy the Exterminator.
This is Billy the Exterminator. Craig the Exterminator didn't have a soul patch or a multi-colored mullet.

The show follows a family of exterminators as they go about their business in Louisiana. They attack every type of varmint from pigeons to beavers to wasps and cockroaches. They relocate animals when they can. And what I really love about the show is that Billy is obviously really passionate about his job. You can tell he likes explaining to the camera what he's doing and why, and how certain animals operate. It's cool.

And Craig the Exterminator? He likes it too.

"Yeah, somebody told me I should watch that show. It's pretty accurate," he said. "But did you see that one episode with the roaches?"

At this point I involuntarily seized. "Ugh. Yeah. That was gross."

"Well," said Craig the Exterminator, "I once treated a house that was way worse than that. I thought it was carpeted, but really what I was walking on was linoleum covered in roaches."

At this point in the conversation, I passed out cold. But I'm pretty sure Craig the Exterminator told me that he actually changed his clothes in the driveway of that house because he didn't want the cockroach funk in his vehicle.

Now, bugs are gross. Whatever. But I feel like I really learned something new today. And that something is that extermination is really, really cool. And I don't ever want to do it. And that's why God invented reality teevee.

The End.
Image courtesy of


Cyndi B. said...

Did Craig the Exterminator mention if he burned his clothes as well after encountering cockroach city? I would have.

Love Billy the Exterminator! I remember seeing him on Dirty Jobs back in the day. I think he took Mike to a cockroach infested trailer. It was gross.

Speaking of reality shows, have you watched that show Pickers?

mel said...

Cockroaches make me wanna die. Blech.

Billy the Exterminator? Whoa. That is some serious hair. Also, I think it's cool that they relocate animals and don't just go in guns a-blazin'. But I'm taking your word on that. I've never seen the show. If I'm wrong, don't correct me please.

Glad your home is on it's way to being ant free. We had them last summer. Ants stink. Literally.

hope505 said...

ohhhmygod. ohhhhmygod. insect-o-phobe me has a hard time watching Billy the Exterminator, but I am SO glad there are people in the world who are up to taking on the task of extermination - people who are psyched about it, even! Go, exterminators! We need you!!

The landlady-before-last, that I had (before I bought the House) thought it was A-ok to have mice in the garage, because hey, we lived in a rural area. It is not ok to live with rodents. Ever! Ew! When I moved out and the moving men got to the stored pile of my boxes in that garage and found piles of mouse poopies, I almost hurled. Also embarassing.

Anonymous said...

NO WAY! I JUST saw that show last night, but it was halfway done and he was luring out an alligator. I had no idea what the show was, but sure remembered the guy's unique look.
Roaches. *Shudder*
Once we hired an exterminator--turned out we had a wasps' nest bigger than a basketball under our front porch. YIPES!

Janet said...

Oh that roach story is the most disgusting thing! Ugh!

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Wenderina said...

oh man....this brought back some nasty stories that a friend of mine who worked for a major exterminator company used to tell us...the ones that ALWAYS got me were the bees in the walls of the raising.