Monday, July 2, 2012

Your mama don't dance.

Thanks for your kind words about the HSG. And really? I'm glad that my post about this horrific thing was sort of funny. The funny is the only thing keeping me from taking to my bed and staying there for a very long time.

I didn't even mention ... the doctor? Was a tiny Asian man with chin-length hair. He was going for sort of a Johnny Depp thing. Except he was wearing these glasses. Not as protective eye wear, but as, like, a fashion statement.
It was like he needed a TV show, except that last Thursday, that TV show would have been called, "Let's Torture Cha Cha and Her Ladyvagina."

So, I'm still processing. It's difficult for my not-so-inner overachiever to make peace with the fact that I don't have to have a solid plan of action right this very damned second. It's OK to take some time to think about whether I want to star in my own version of "Extreme Babymaking: Now With More Procedures and Hormones to Fuck You Up!" Or if I want to go all Angelina and adopt, like, 27 kids.

I had a realization today while performing 8 hours of copy / paste, copy / paste in my Cube of Despair at Mega Corporate Behemoth: If we adopt, it will cost, like, a gajillion dollars. So, I will have to keep working at Mega Corporate Behemoth.

I mentioned this at dinner to My Guy. His response? "Well, yeah, it is expensive. But working at Mega Corporate Behemoth isn't the only way you could make money."

As God / Allah / Oprah as my witness, right at that moment, "Pour Some Sugar on Me" came on the radio. I immediately began an oh-so seductive strip tease, pulling my tank top down while also still eating pasta salad.

It took My Guy a second to catch on. He laughed. "Well, yeah, I guess you could do that. But ... this song is so overplayed at strip clubs. Why not some Loggins?"

So, yeah. My husband and I brainstormed for several minutes about how I could develop a niche strip club clientele by stripping exclusively to medleys of Kenny Loggins' greatest hits. Highway to the danger zone, indeed!

Image courtesy of


Leslie Smith said...

I gotta tell you that my favorite part of this particular post was reading about your strip tease plans and then seeing


listed below. Classic! So I shall ruin the streak by commenting so as to keep that little pleasure all to myself.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Sounds like it would be WAY more fun to make money that way. If it's fun, it's not the same as working, right? (Insert working stiff joke)

slow panic said...

So commenting on today and yesterday's post here.

So sorry for the physical pain you went through and the emotional hell it all is. I have no words of wisdom. It's just freaking hard sometimes.

I think the stripper career sounds like a good option -- you can work at night while daddy watches the baby (saying daddy watches the baby sounds wrong in this context).

Maybe to prepare for the strip job you could get a pole set up in your cubicle. now that would get things going at MGB!

Seriously though sending you lots of good thoughts, hugs and love. I know it's a rough thing to figure out.

slow panic said...

oh that was supposed to be MCB, not MGB. where's my copy editor?

Magic27 said...

What about adding some of NEIL's greatest hits into the mix too, just to spice up your routines? I can totally imagine someone (forgive me if, in my mind's eye, I see the cast of Magic Mike rather than you, lovely ChaCha, but lady strippers just don't do it for me I'm afraid) stripping to Neil Diamond...
More seriously, I know how tough this is (been there, done that). Do what's right for you and Your Guy, whatever that is. Sending Muscat-soaked good vibes from a very hot and sunny south of France...

Patience_Crabstick said...

"Cube of despair" ha ha.

Kate said...

I always think my dog would make more money than I would, if we pimped him out.

Hell with lap dances. He'd lap-snuggle and make a MINT.

Miss Marine said...

I also had that procedure. While I was lying naked on the table, I happened to glance at the doctor and noticed that he was the Pastor of the congregation I attended while in college. (Yes, he is both Bishop Peterson and Dr. Peterson.) So we had a nice chit chat to catch up on life, while he had his hands up my yin yang. Awkward, yes?

Banjo @ Unfabulousness said...

Im in like Flynn if you need help creating the playlist for your stage routine..... just sayin I think you can rock it like nobody lese!