For the last five days, I have been luxuriating in the glory of vh1's 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs.
Yes, I love those stupid compilation shows. I can't help it. My people are a simple people.
But this one is great, because in addition to showing clips and talking about where the bands are now, they also interview people who really know what they're talking about. If the guys from Judas Priest say that somebody is a hell of a rocker ... well, who am I to disagree?
I've had two favorite moments in this five-hour odyssey of awesome. The first was Iggy Pop saying that in the beginning of The Stooges, if he was nervous before a show, he'd think he needed 20 white Russians to calm down. Now, if he's nervous before a show, he thinks he needs to do Tai Chi.
The other great moment was realizing that Ronnie James Dio, he of Rainbow, Black Sabbath and Dio, the guy whose very visage creeps me out and always makes me think he's going to show up in a black cloak, croaking, "I've come to collect the children" ... that guy?He's only 5'4"!
Or, as Chris Jericho described him, he's got the voice of a rock god coming out of the body of Carla from Cheers.
The problem with the 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs is that while I've enjoyed it so much that I've watched each episode multiple times ... I can't help but think about how much fun Mr. Wonderful and I would have had watching it together.
We would have laughed and debated the choices and enjoyed all the random, useless trivia.
It's just a continuation of a little voice whispering in my ear last week. I wondered how he spent the holidays. I wondered what Santa brought for The Ladybug. I wondered if they wonder about me at all.
I miss them. And I'm sad.
And watching and rewatching shows about slick guitar riffs and tight pants brings me both joy and pain.
One of my sweet friends gave me a Louise Hay day-by-day calendar. Today's entry is "The past is over and done. I release it with love - blessing every person, place, and experience. I welcome the new."
Which is lovely. But my first impulse when I read it this morning was, "Dammit. Not today." Because while I know it's good and right in theory? In practice? It's difficult. Because releasing the past leaves me even more alone.
I know it also makes me more agile and able to move forward. I'm trying.