Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'd like to thank the Academy.

I've been in Iowa this weekend. I just got home and the house is a total pit. So, of course, I'm sitting on the couch, watching the Oscars and eating Thin Mints.

Yeah, I'm wearing sweatpants. Why do you ask?

Is it just me, or was the big "The Musical is Back!" musical number sort of ... a giant waste of time? I know it was created by Baz Luhrmann, but really. I tune in for awards and the "let's see who died this year" montage.

Ok, mostly the montage. And the clothes. Jessica Biel, what were you thinking?
I would make a comment about her rack not being suitable for use as a towel rack, but I'll refrain.

Also? I love seeing real people, not fake actors. I love seeing the joy when people win. I love that there wasn't a dry eye in the house when Heath Ledger won - and I love that you could hear a pin drop as his family accepted the award. I love Kevin Kline, well, always. I love the sweet Indian sound guy who couldn't catch his breath to give his acceptance speech. I love Sophia Loren, even in that awful ruffled gown.
I must also admit ... I always find myself considering my dress, my date and my acceptance speech. I'm thinking a long blue gown (short skirts are so inappropriate for the Oscars). Poochie would be my date. And I'm hoping I'd come up with a witty acceptance speech. Something humble without being a grocery list of every person with whom I've ever worked.

Perhaps something like this:

I have been practicing this speech since I wrote a term paper in 9th grade about the Academy Awards. You'd think that with that long to prepare, I'd have something witty to say. However ... obviously not. I am at a very delighted, very speechless loss. Thank you all so much.

Or maybe I'd just get up on stage and pee my pants. That's probably a more likely scenario.

Who would you thank? And, more importantly, what would you wear?

Biel image courtesy examiner.com.
Loren image courtesy gaytvblog.com.

7 comments:

LaDue & Crew said...

What a crack up! You think like that, too, huh?! I didn't watch them- darn! Hmmm, I'd probably thank my hubby for putting up with my shit, and my partner's in crime, Kelly & Paige, for helping to make me the warped individual I am today. Of course, since I have been working so friggin hard on this bod recently, I will wear body paint and saran wrap to accept my award... but no jewelry. The bling would clash too much with the sheen of the saran wrap.

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

I would certainly thank my spouse (not like Sean Penn)!!! I love Sean Penn but I can't understand why he didn't think his wife?

I totally agree on Jessica's dress and even though I LOVE Sofia Lauren and have since I was a little girl but didn't her face look a little...how should I say this...hmmm...stretched out?

Gretchen said...

Definatley something classic. I am certainly not a trend setter and the red carpet is not the place to start.

Personally I loved Julia Robert's speach a few years ago. Honest, shock and awe is always a winner! :)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I would not thank my parents. I would wear the outfit I bought for Mr. D's 15 year company gala--it makes me look very tall which I appreciate. I agree so much with you about this year's awards ceremony--and I always like a speech where the talk about the bigger issues about film and audience--Spielberg does that well I think.

Sara said...

I thought Sean and Robin were splitsville...I was surprised they were there together to begin with?

Anyway...if I have to buy my own dress, I'd have to be somewhat inexpensive and off the rack. Something like this, but a wee bit longer so no one would notice that I was wearing a chunky heel because I can't walk in real heels.

http://content.nordstrom.com/ImageGallery/store/product/Gigantic/18/_5516818.jpg

Leslie Smith said...

green. emerald green. tailored in some way, but not at all slutty. pintucks, perhaps, and short capped sleeves?

I haven't given this any thought at all :)

cndymkr / jean said...

I agree, given the amount of time people have to write their acceptance speech, you would think they would all be good ones.

I'd probably wear black for it's slimming abilities. And I'd want a push up bra, one that showed off the girls.