Saturday, February 7, 2009

Nobody loves me like you do.

Tonight, I was supposed to have date number three with Mr. Date Guy. He had suggested we go listen to some live music, so I scoured the paper for options. I came up with two: a wine bar downtown with jazz or a midtown bar with ... a Journey cover band. Oh, yeah.

In the interest of time, I will condense three phone calls into one paragraph. Mr. Date Guy didn't want to listen to music anymore. He wanted to cook dinner together. And then he decided that he wanted to just watch a movie - preferably at my house - and that he would bring over one of his favorites. When I nixed that idea and suggested we just meet for a drink, he called me back and announced that he was tired but wants to go on a day trip with me when he's back in town in two weeks.

I literally told him to have his people call my people.

And maybe, if I'm bored out of my mind and / or have a brain tumor, I'll call you back. I wish I'd been ballsy enough to add this last part, instead of being all nicey-nicey "Uh-huh, sure. Take care!" I am a wuss.

So. I'm dancing around my house, listening to Barry Manilow and trying to figure out a way to choose a winner to my haiku-tastic Fabulous Valentine's Day Gift Pack giveaway. This is hard! So many worthy, worthy poets. Thank you all.

Here are a few that made me guffaw:

From the lovely DallasDiva:
Amaretto Sour
You make me far happier than
Any boy with hands

Dorrie hits the nail on the head:
I love you so much
Here’s your stupid Hallmark card
And crappy candy

Cerwydwyn might be bragging a bit, but she makes us laugh:
My husband does not
give gems, kisses or candy
but he's good in bed.

I also had several submissions that were quite kind and generous, and fed my soul. I think I'm going to write this one from Green Girl on my forehead, backwards, so I can see it in the mirror every day:
My dear Noodleroux
has a heart like a bright star
its points reach and glow

Oh goodness.

And now, the title of Miss Haiku 2009 goes to ... LaDue & Crew, for her oh-so-true poetic description of my future:
Future Cha Cha beau
Treat her like a Princess or
Your hiney will hurt

And yes, I admit that Ms. LaDue got extra credit for postponing sex with her hubby in order to write haikus. I like that kind of dedication in a poet.

As a side note ... you know how many pageants have that one girl who is just a step away from a career in the adult entertainment industry? Like Amy Adams' character in Drop Dead Gorgeous? Yeah. I had a haiku like that. My friend CB submitted it via e-mail because it was so wicked and wonderful. E-mail me if you want to read it. It will make you howl at the expense of some people I've written about lately. Heh heh heh.

9 comments:

LaDue & Crew said...

I feel like a Queen! Wow! I can't believe it... I am humbled. My husband thanks you,too, because he no longer is back seat to the haiku- that is, till the next contest ;o)

Ok, lose him, before the hiney hurtin' begins. He is already BORing, and puts himself first.

Dude, she's just not that into you...

Christy said...

Good for you! And now you have time to think up something perfect to say in case he does have the nerve to call you back. Bastard!

Dorrie said...

Glad you enjoyed my haiku. It was a fun contest.

Sounds like the third strike to me. Also sounds like he is too busy to have a social life. If you are already taking a backseat to work, it can only go downhill from there. You deserve someone who puts you first. The one doesn't sound like 'the guy'.

Professor J said...

"Let me come over to your house with my favorite video and you can make dinner and put out." What a gem! How'd you let him get away? (She says, dripping with ill-concealed sarcasm).

you gotta wonder said...

Shucks! Not even honorable mention. I guess I need to practice on my haiku-making. Because, dear Cha Cha, I trust your judgment.

Continue discerning and don't question your standard. Dancing to Barry Manilow is far better than lowering your standards.

Peace,

hope505 said...

Date Guy loses big
Glad you didn't waste your time
Your future will rock

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Those are some great Haikus! Do email me the naughty one!

Sara said...

Date guy? Soooo NEXT-ed. If I could put that in 72-point font, I would. Good for you, dear. Never, ever call him back. NEXT.

You're a better person than I am for choosing not to post The Mysterious and Hilarious Haiku. Honestly, after I read it, I gave up on mine. But here's a peek at what could have been:

Your eighth grade boyfriend?
Fabulous! Cute, funny, smart
Too bad he likes men

Breaking up by phone
Ever done that, dear Cha Cha?
Yes! With MY cousin!

Fun'ral home intern
Took you to prom in a hearse?
Relationship: Dead

Andi said...

I really wanted to write you a haiku, but my brain started hurting.

Email me the dirty one, though... yes??