I feel like I have a Greek chorus following me around.
Typically, this Greek chorus would chant, "Lil' Frankfurter peed somewhere in the house! And you just haven't found it yet!"
But lately, it feels like the chant is more like, "Don't! Don't feel that way! Don't want that! Don't open yourself up to hurt again! What is wrong with you, you crazy bitch?"
It's got a really lyrical cadence, don't you think?
Basically, I'm processing the torrential emotional downpour that was my meeting with Ex-Wonderful last week. I'm just trying to feel my way through it. I'm not contacting him. I'm adding to my stack of letters written with zero intention of ever, ever sending them. And I'm trying to be still and listen.
But it's hard. And it's hard to tune out the "Ohmigod, that guy is such an ass! If you ever talk to him again, I will kill you!" diatribes. My favorite was, "Why'd you talk to him? That guy's got real problems."
I know I'm smart. I know I deserve good things. And I've gone through all the very-worst-case-scenario-ever scenarios, and they aren't that bad. As in, I'm going to be fine no matter what - no matter if I never see him again or if we get married and have 17 kids. I. Will. Be. Fine.
Because I just am.
But in the meantime? It's tricky to tune down the din of the chorus. But it makes me all the more appreciative of the kind, gentle folks who offer their love and support ... and don't try to stage an intervention.
Yeah, I appreciate that. Because I'm fine.
So, thanks.
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3 comments:
Cha Cha, you are a very intelligent person and you will do what is right for you. All the people who care for you will support your decisions. No one really has the right to judge you but you.
Okay, now I'm stuck with the image of a Greek Chorus in my head for the day. WWMBFS? (What Would My Bloggy Friends Say?)
It is easy to tell you to forget him but doing so is not so easy. You can't help how you feel. No one is really in any position to tell you exactly what you should do about this situation. It is for you to decide. Just like Dorrie said....people who care will support your decisions.
Most of us have been there. Things can change and people can grow. Remember...Things can change without improving but they can't improve without change.
Just rant and rave all you want. Weight the pros and cons. We will be there for you.
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