Sunday, November 22, 2009

I got your Thanksgiving right here.

I have been doing my best to ignore the Christmas music that's been playing not on one, but two, TWO local radio stations since November 1.

And I'm turning the channel whenever a Hey-It's-Christmas-Let's-All-Consume! ad comes on TV. I'm trying to make peace with the fact that those awful Gap ads will be playing nonstop for the next month.

And I'm even giving folks with their Christmas lights up the benefit of the doubt, thinking that the lights are up only because it's been nice, and folks are worried bad weather might impede regularly-scheduled light set-up.

See? I'm a giver.

And I'm trying to give thanks. But sometimes it feels like we are small band, as the world jumps from Halloween immediately to Christmas. In other words, eat a bunch of candy and dress like a whore, then immediately buy a bunch of overpriced plastic crap that you don't need.

I know! I don't know why other countries hate us, either.

I also don't know why Thanksgiving seems to be a dying holiday. I think it's pretty kick-ass. What's not to like about eating good food and being mindful of your blessings?

In my yoga class today, the instructor talked about giving thanks for the big little things ... clean water, our bodies' abilities to practice yoga, not missing a meal.

And that got me thinking about the grave injustice that got me so stinkin' mad yesterday.

See, My Guy has this truly hideous fake tree that the previous owners left at his house. If a palm tree and a piece of green construction paper had a baby, it would look like this tree.

We decided that since he's hosting his family for Thanksgiving that we should decorate The Thanksgiving Tree. So, we bought some ugly decorations at Michaels. And we made turkey hand print ornaments out of construction paper. This was, of course, my excuse to buy a new box of crayons.

Now, there are few things I love in this world more than a new box of crayons. I love the way they smell. I love the orderly way all the even points line up in the box. There's just something so clean and fresh about a new box of crayons - it's about hope and faith and all that is good and right with the world.


Except, upon opening my brand-new box of 96 Crayolas, I realized that someone had flipped open the top part of the box and used some of my new crayons. Like, maybe someone had tested out the crayons at Target, then plopped the run-down crayons back in the box.

Who would do such a thing?

So, I'm trying to be thankful for my ability to buy a new box of crayons even though it's not the beginning of the school year. And I'm trying to be gracious about whatever random teenager coloring with my crayons. I'm trying to have Thanksgiving in my heart, even if the world around me jumped to Christmas.

The world around me, except for some neighbors who posted what is supposed to be a Thanksgiving flag outside their door. It features pilgrims that look sort of like Fisher-Price people ... except that the guy pilgrim totally has a porn 'stache. Now, every time I walk by that house, I think, "Pilgrims! Bow chicka bow wow!" Which is not really the spirit of Thanksgiving at all.

Do you think there's pilgrim-themed porn? "Oh, Captain Standish ... now I know why your first name is Miles!"


Banjo at Unfabulousness said...

OMG you are so right! I just heard the Christmas music on the radio on Sat and I had to turn it off. Come Thursday night, I am all about it. Until then, quit rushing it........

drawer queen said...

I have dropped the two radio stations of which you speak from my car radio programed stations (I was embarrassed to be listening to them anyway, even if only occasionally)

Did you know I worked in a Crayola factory one summer? I have crayon stories galore, can tell you how they are made, and in my opinion, using crayons before buying them is an offense punishable by death.The points must be perfect. Must be.

You are so missing your call. Porn pays could write, direct, whatever! Miles! You crack me up.

Cyndi B. said...

I should learn that I need to read your blog BEFORE I go to work, so I can laugh out loud instead of quietly snorting coffee through my nose.

Porn 'stache and Fisher Price people...what a picture! Bow chicka bow bow!

Gretchen said...

I have to mention that STUPID Christmas song where the kid goes and buys a pair of shoes for his mom, but doesn't have enough money, because she might die that night...."If mama meets Jesus tonight...." This song SO bugs me. First, if your mom is dying the LAST thing you need to be doing is shopping, promoting the consumerism that is Christmas. Don't you think your mom would rather have you at her bedside at her hour of most need than you out at a store?!?!? Second, this kid is once again promoting that apparently you have to go in debt to buy a gift for someone. I think his dying mom would have preferred a nice homemade craft, new crayons anyone? vs. shoes she will clearly never wear.....

I'm just saying.....Thanks for letting me vent. BTW, our lights are up, but only because it was like 75 a couple weekends ago. We couldn't let that weather go. However we are NOT turning them on until Thursday night. :)

hope505 said...

" a bunch of candy and dress like a whore, then immediately buy a bunch of overpriced plastic crap that you don't need..."

I'll bet that's it. I never have enjoyed candy very much...maybe it's because I don't dress like a ho to indulge! *haha!* That's it. Next time I crave chocolate, I'm putting on my boots and miniskirt...I'll bet that improves the experience exponentially.
* ; )

And: whoever 'flight-tested' your crayons gets a lump of coal in their stocking! Lame!

AND: I, too, despise that awful GAP commercial. It's almost like an ad for the armed forces.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

THANK YOU for the good belly laugh. I'm in your tribe, having only put out the lights because FIFTY DEGREES and yes, I have put up lights after Thanksgiving when it is TWENTY DEGREES and I assure you that this year I've made the right decision. They will, however, remain unlit until AFTER Thanksgiving. Which we celebrate heartily and with many handmade decorations. No porn-stache Pilgrims, though.

Iron Needles said...

I strongly resist the encroachment of Christmas onto my season of Thanksgiving. Gratitude has played a huge role in the return of my sanity, and noone will take that away! Do you hear me! No ONE!

I'm okay now....

Stupid crayon user.


That is so funny. I am sure there are Thanksgiving porn videos out there. I am sure they have thought of every holiday possible.

Laura said...

I share your affection for crayons. I am also a sucker for a nice new spiral notebook or journal. They are so clean and pretty and full of possibilities.

A co-worker has a radio on her desk and switched to Christmas music 2 weeks ago. Sigh. It's one thing to listen to a medley of 80s hits, quite another to have heard "grandma got run over by a reindeer" 7 times before Thanksgiving. It's going to be a long month . . . . Santa, give me strength!

Magic27 said...

At least you have Thanksgiving! Here, there's not even Hallowe'en really, so we go straight from September's "back to school" stuff (which, like you, I love, even though I haven't been to school for many, many, many years) to a (very) short void in October to CHRISTMAS. The lights are up AND ON all over this city at least, the Christmas Fair is setting up in the main square, toy catalogues were dropped through letterboxes about 3 WEEKS AGO... GAAAAAAHHHH (my daughters have been "making lists for Father Christmas" since before Hallowe'en, God help me).
But the French really don't have Christmas carols as such, so I guess we're spared the music...
Make the most of Thanksgiving, it's a holiday I really envy you!

Lynette said...

Your blog is one of the things I'm thankful for this year. I resent being rushed through Thanksgiving for the crass commericialism of the modern Christmas. Thank you for stating your thoughts so eloquently. ;)

Fisher Price and porn?! Too funny!
And a pox on the person who sullied your crayons!

chester copperpot said...

uh huh. new crayons. new crayola smell. there's nothing like it. i can't imagine the horror of finding used crayons in my new crayon box.

Dorrie said...

Wishing you the happiest of Thanksgivings this year!

Emotional Mullet said...

I gasped aloud when I read about the pre-loved crayons! ack! not fair!