Mom: So, what'd you guys think of our Christmas letter?
Me: Uh? I liked the pictures a lot.
Poochie: Yeah, the pictures were great.
Me: But, umm? You talked about your awesome trip to Alaska and how Poochie's going to grad school and moved ... and then it said, "And Cha Cha has two dogs."
Me: You might as well have added, "And she is obviously not married."
Mom: I could send out an addendum.
Poochie: Yeah! And you could ask if anybody needs to get married for a green card or needs to get married so they have someone to cook and clean for them ... those are mostly widowers, but you know, you might get some interest.
Mom: It's not like you have cats. You have dogs.
Me: Right. But you made it sound like, "Cha Cha is our spinster daughter. She has a lovely collection of housecoats and many years of newspapers decorating her home."
Poochie: Hey! Did you get that e-mail I sent you about the movie I liked?
Me: Oh, yeah - Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day? Yeah! You liked it?
Mom: Ooh, that's a good one.
Poochie: Yeah, it was great. And Miss Pettigrew is a spinster!
Me: Oh, nice to see my people represented!
Poochie: But she's poor, and at least you aren't poor. So, you have that going for you.
Me: Hmm. True.
Poochie: And you're not totally pathetic like Miss Havisham. I always wondered ... did she ever take the wedding dress off? Or did she just sit in that dress for however many years and never bathe? Because after two days, I can tell that I need to take a bath. I bet she stank.
Mom: Oh - good point.
Me: Ugh. I never thought about that. Didn't she die in a fire?
Poochie: Yep. Things rarely end well for spinsters.
And ... scene!