Friday, January 29, 2010

Pork? Good. Stress? Bad.

I went to Miami this week.

It was 70 degrees.

My coworkers and I ate at a restaurant owned by Gloria Estefan. If a Cuban offers you a piece of pork - any kind of pork, under any circumstances - take it. It will be delicious.

The Miami downtown Hilton is not as nice as it should be. The toilet in my room was situated too close to the tub and too far from the vanity, so I couldn't reach the toilet paper while sitting on the throne.

We spent the day at a call center. I remembered why I got my college degree. I overheard a name that trumps Lafawnduh as my favorite name ever: Chiffondah.

I dipped my toes in the Atlantic. It was warm, and the sand was cool. And I took a deep breath and let it out ... all of it. All of the stress and worry and blah blah blah.

And then I got back to the real world. Our flight back to the chilly Midwest was delayed by 45 minutes because the water on the plane wasn't working and they were waiting for moist towelettes for the lavatories.

That's right. Delta wasn't concerned about the fact that we didn't have water, but we couldn't leave until we had Wet-Naps. There was a serviceman on our flight, on his last leg to get home from Iraq. The trip had taken him seven days, and we delayed him due to Wet-Naps? Seriously?

And that's sort of the way the rest of the week has been going. January is traditionally the most stressful time at Corporate Behemoth. This year has been no exception.

And now it's Friday night and I'm camped out with the doxies. They're snoring and I'm tense, still worried about the 78 things I didn't get done today, the fires, the frustrations.

I picked a really stupid time to go off Zoloft.

I hate the idea of being dependent on a stupid little pill. It feels like a crutch. And when I went off of it in December, I felt like I had the flu. I figured that any drug that messes with you like that and has an actual withdrawal is not something you want to be taking for any long period of time. I rode it out and eventually stopped feeling like barfing 24/7.

But I'm just so angry. And overwhelmed. And cloudy. I had a date with My Guy tonight and instead, I asked him for a rain check because all I wanted, more than anything in the world, was to sit on my couch. Alone. In sweatpants.

But now I'm on my couch, alone, in sweatpants, and I'm anxious. I don't have anything I need to be doing, but being stressed seems to be my natural state. Is it just January at Corporate Behemoth, and this, too, shall pass? Or is it something more?

Is this normal?

And why don't I live on the beach?

8 comments:

Dorrie said...

You are thinking too much and about the wrong things. How will constantly thinking about the fires and frustrations resolve any of them. And it definitely doesn't make you more productive. You can only do so much. Yet, in the end, things always seem to work out. I realize that more and more. So try some belly breathing exercises to relax and use the mantra 'focus on the positive' while doing them. I am sure you have more positive things in your life than negative, but they are lighter and hard to see above the negatives in your life. Force yourself to see them and soon it will become second nature. Most of the things I worry about are things I can't control. It isn't easy, but I force myself to realize that and put those things out of my mind. Those types of things are meant to be dealt with when and if they happen. Worrying about them, anticipating the worst, is not healthy.

So, I hope you are able to relax this weekend and take care of yourself and enjoy the good things in your life - your guy, your doxies, your family and friends. I plan to.

sherilee said...

I hope a good night's sleep helped a bit... I know sleep can really help realign me when things feel oh-so-off.

While I don't know your particular stresses per se, I am hopeful for you that if you lean in and just let your stresses BE with you, it will wash over and away. When I was going through my dark time/divorce years ago, I found it so helpful (when I finally arrived at this vaguely Buddhist mindset) to not fight the negative but to lean into it and even embrace it. It seemed to dissipate more quickly that way... I still return to that thinking many years later when the stresses of life rear their ugly heads.

You can get through this, Cha Cha. And I bet your guy would love to come sit with you and just be, too. Hang in there.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ugh. I'm glad you had a couple zen moments...Cuban pork and ocean toes and Chiffondah. Take care of yourself. The blues can really suck.

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

I took myself off zoloft but not the right way. I did it cold turkey. Felt like crap for weeks. But then I felt like crap for weeks when I started taking it too. It just never made me feel that much better. Good for some but not me. Fortunately I wasn't on it that long...just maybe 7 months or so.

Oh and Chiffondah...wow. LMAO over that one. But then I crack up over people naming their kids Chablis.

CheckerMom said...

Hang in there Sister. Let me know what I can do to help. Maybe it's time to re-Zoloft, although I know exactly what you went through to get off, so I'm sure you don't relish the thought of ever doing that ever ever again. Ever. I hope the weekend helped. Blessings and prayers for you, my friend.

Wenderina said...

I hear ya. I hear ya. Hang in.

cyclonecrew said...

Post number 2 from the legandary Poochie:

()

I believe that is a virtual hug?

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