Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Why I started taking Ativan again.

We're five weeks out and the wedding planning has shifted into high gear. This is the easy answer to why I haven't been writing lately. The perhaps more honest, definitely uglier reason is that I only have stressed out, borderline-Bridezilla things to write.

The good: I had the final fitting for my dress. It is amazing. I also had a run-through for my hair, and it, too, is amazing.

The bad: I am still coming to terms with the fact that maybe I shouldn't attempt to host a day-after brunch for out-of-town family since we're still living in a hobo camp with no real furniture. Or if I do, I need to accept that it will mean seating people in the garage, and cleaning out the garage might be more than I can handle right now.

The ugly: The RSVPs.

Oh, sistah.

My Guy's aunt can't come because one of her grandsons has a guitar solo in a junior high band concert the night of the wedding. She's really torn up about it, but the junior high concert won out.

But the first RSVP my mom opened? Was from that aunt's son. It was an RSVP for himself, his wife, and their three children. Three children whose names were not on the envelope because they aren't invited because at $50 a head, we're not inviting kids. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you can perform at a junior high band concert and attend a wedding simultaneously.

I told My Guy he needed to address the situation. He looked at me and said he couldn't think about it right now, but maybe we should have been clearer on the invitations. This suggestion had me dousing our house in gasoline, lighting a cigarette, tossing the match, and then walking away all slow like, just like in the movies.

Umm, also? I think I might have said that only white trash don't know that the names listed on the envelope are the only people invited. Which might mean that I inadvertently referred to his kin as white trash.

Sigh.

Help me. Tell me something besides "calm the fuck down." Tell me it's worth it, tell me what got you through this insanity. Don't tell me to elope. Because much like rewording the invites*? That ship has sailed.

* Also? What sort of invitation wording would that be, anyway? "We request the honor of your presence - but just you, not your damned kids - as we vow our undying love to each other - but just to each other, definitely not to your damned kids."

9 comments:

drawer queen said...

Okay, here is what I suggest:(since you asked)
Remember, choosing a guitar solo over the wedding is not about you, it's about her. Totally cool if she doesn't come.Your day will not be diminished in any way by her not being there.
Guy's mom should be requested to talk to the nephew (or maybe just to her sister) who should tell the nephew that children are not invited because of the cost. You love them dearly (not) but just couldn't afford to have them all included. Your day will not be diminished in any way by not having them there or by them being a little pissy about paying for a baby sitter. (actually, their grandma sounds like she is free) or even if they decide they can't come.
No you should not be hosting a brunch the day after your wedding. Hell no. You will be exhausted. If you do really want to do this (I mean REALLY want to do this) you should have Poochie and lovely wife pick up
BBQ (OK joes if they are open on sun), throw up a folding table and get a dozen folding chairs. If people are hungry they will find a way to eat standing up if necessary) but you will be exhausted. And sick of smiling at relatives. And eager to be done with it. And so happy that it is over.

Your job is to look beautiful and get married. The rest really doesn't matter. And if you so desire, you can get married in your sweats because it is your day and you are marrying your guy and it doesn't matter if the flowers wilt or the cake cracks or the relatives eat brunch at denny's the day after or even if you end up forking over an extra couple hundred $ for uninvited children because in the end what you will have is a wedding album of pictures (that you will be embarrassed to show in 30 years because you can't believe you thought it looked good) and strong memories of the things that went wrong that I promise you will, by then, laugh about, but you will still have your guy, you will have your life together And that will be awesome. Deep breath. You do not need to put on the perfect wedding. You just need to get married, and you want to have a lovely day, and if anyone else does also, then bonus!
Oh, and the white trash comment may rear it's ugly head again someday. Seems I made a similar remark, maybe possibly, and have been reminded of it a few times, but seriously...who doesn't know that!
You are the bride and are allowed to have stress induced word vomit. All things said between now and the wedding must be forgiven, no questions asked. That is the rule. (Have your Guy call me if he is unaware of that!)

Sara said...

Oh, calling your future husbands extended family white trash isn't THAT big of a deal... I believe I referred to both of my husbands sisters as nosy, uncouth, demanding whores. Yup. This occured right after they dropped out of being bridesmaids, and one said she couldn't afford for her two sons to be ringbearers. My parents were paying for their outfits. And then we eloped. Always an option... Just kidding. A few more weeks and it'll all be over. Hang in there!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your wedding, NO Kids. We didn't invite any to our wedding and you know what? People got over it. YOUR Guy (or rep. from his family) needs to address this. You need only to find a good spot for morning-after brunch. A local park with a pavilion? A VFW hall? And then find a caterer. And keep in your happy place where you look so lovely in your dress and your hair looks divine.

Joan said...

Nix the lunch. Most people don't want to go out twice to the same event. When the wedding is over...it's over.

Ali said...

YEAH! what they all said (especially drawer queen)! i don't know a single couple that, by the time the wedding rolled around, weren't saying, "i just want to be married already!"

hang in there. keep your eye on the ball. if, at the end of the day, you are married to your guy... then you did it all right.

all the rest will be the stories you laugh about (eventually).

cndymkr / jean said...

Drawer queen said it all. I can only add that some day you will look back and laugh about the stress.

Trixie Bang Bang said...

At my *first* wedding, I included *Adults-Only Reception* at the bottom of the invitation. I had some family not show up as a result, but they were on the outskirts of relations anyway, so who cared. I KNEW our hillbilly & trash relations wouldn't know that it's only to those addressed on the envelope.

*having to qualify my weddings with a number has me realize that perhaps I am the white trash of the family! Sigh.

Cerwydwyn said...

I'm not sure that explaining that you didn't invite the children should be so stressful. Why not just drop them a note saying, 'The reception will be for adults only. Simply put, I'm too stressed about getting married to face children and possibility that I may eventually have them.' (LOL). and/or 'Our finances only allow for the adults to attend our reception.' You could offer to include the children at the family's expense if you don't mind them or just firmly state, No Kids.
A No Kids policy definitely means that you cannot have a flower girl or ring bearer who are children, though. A rule is a rule is a rule.
I was never so offended as when my little brother's wife wouldn't allow my kids at their wedding. Said kids were: 19, 17 and 14. In the photos? A 6 yo ring bearer and a 4yo flower girl.
If this had been a financial thing I would totally have understood but it was made out to be about the bride not wanting children around to ruin her (windy, beach) wedding.
We didn't go.
As to Guy's aunt. Who cares? You really can't worry about family dynamics or take these things too much to heart. Maybe weddings make her sad or lonely...we all have our crap. Leave everyone else's to them and don't worry about it.

Ramesh said...

Ativan did not work for me,It actually made me worse.I would sit up all night and worry about everything