If the woman wants to talk about poo, you can't stop her.

My Guy and I had lunch with his mom and his grandma yesterday. We ate in the dining room of grandma's retirement village. The portions were tiny, the food bland, and the conversation ... unappetizing.

Grandma: So, there's been a lot of diarrhea going around lately.

(Side note: a) Grandma is 91 and has no filter; and b) Can we all just agree that this is the greatest opening line of all time?)

MIL: Oh?

Grandma: Yeah. Lots of people have a stomach bug.

My Guy, trying to redirect the conversation: Well, right before Christmas, I had a horrible stomach bug. I've never been that sick.

Grandma, eagerly: Did you have diarrhea?

My Guy: Uh, no.

Grandma, disappointed but not deterred: Well, whenever your mother had a stomach bug, she always got diarrhea, too. Always had it coming out both ends! None of my other girls were like that, but your mom always got diarrhea.

MIL: Mom!

And ... scene!