Saturday, March 9, 2013

Blessings.

Sitting in the car in the parking lot of the emergency vet ain't got nothin' on sitting in the car of the parking lot of the holistic vet. Especially after the holistic vet kindly yet firmly tells you that holistic treatments take a few weeks to kick in ... and your dog doesn't have a few weeks. In fact, your sweet pup is so dehydrated that she has maybe a week.

While I sat in the emergency vet parking lot and was all pensive? I sat in the holistic vet parking lot and sobbed. I was matching Lady Doodle in the mucus-production department.

It had been a while since I cried in my car. Much like folks who nose-pick with abandon while behind the wheel, I always feel like my car is a safety zone where no one can see me. But I'm sure lots of people saw me losing my shit. And I don't even care.

We had the option of taking Lady Doodle to the vet school 2 hours away and dropping her off. She'd get knocked out every day for radiation, and maybe some nice vet student would take her home at night. For 3 weeks. And maybe she'd go blind, and maybe she'd get an extra 10 months out of the deal.

Except that sounds horrible. And when you're dealing with a dog who hasn't eaten anything of substance in almost a week? It's time for a reality check.

We celebrated when she'd eat some ice chips.

She wouldn't or couldn't get off the bed. Until she did, and she was ready to do her favorite thing in the entire universe: play catch.

We were so lucky that she had some truly joyous moments in her last days.
Notice the 3-point stance. Girl had always been known for her speed off the line.
Ain't no mucus or fentanyl patch gonna slow this girl down. Look at that focus!
She couldn't stand to put anything in her mouth except for a gooey tennis ball. So we played. And prayed. And cried.

Friday morning, My Guy, Big Doodle, and I took our girl to the vet. She had her blanket, and we all laid on the floor around her. And she just drifted off.

I know she is free - free of pain, free to finally eat, free to play catch with abandon. We were blessed to have such a good bad dog. I mean, she ate yet another library book just last week. We were blessed that she wasn't sick for a long time, and strangely blessed that it all happened so fast.

We are heartbroken and shell-shocked. Blessing or not, she was diagnosed with cancer 5 days before she died. What the holy hell?

All of us - me, My Guy, Big Doodle, and the 2 dachshund terrors - are moping around the house, unsure of what to do. It's different now, and not quite right. We know it was the right thing, the only compassionate option. But we are heartbroken.

23 comments:

Cinny said...

And we, your faithful readers, are heartbroken for you. Lady Doodle loved and was loved - that's a gift. Hugs, Cha Cha.

Cinny said...

And we, your faithful readers, are heartbroken for you. Lady Doodle loved and was loved - that's a gift. Hugs, Cha Cha.

smalltownme said...

I am so sorry.

marty said...

A year ago we said goodbye to our girl. It was our last act of love for our crazy-ass wild child--and so, so hard. You're in my thoughts today.

Molly said...

I'm so so so very sorry. It must be hard to not have had much time to process all of this, but I'm glad she had some fun in her last days. Losing a dog is the WORST. Dogs should live forever.

JennyExplainsItAll.blogspot.com said...

Poor little pup! Of course all of you are so, so sad. I'm very sorry. We'll wait for you here, until whenever you're ready.

Shortstuff said...

Losing a beloved pet is a heartbreaker. Many condolences. I know how hard it is. Sending virtual hugs.

Jessie said...

I'm so sorry you've lost Lady Doodle Cha Cha. It sounds like she had a loving home and family. She was blessed in many ways.

Violet said...

Letting go of a beloved pet is one of the hardest, most heart-wrenching tasks required of us. She felt your love as she slipped away and that's all she needed.

My heart is heavy for your loss.

Patti said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May all of you find comfort in your love of one another. She was blessed, as were you. <3

cookingwithgas said...

This relationships between man or woman and beast can not be explained. Cry like there is no tomorrow.
Cry like your heart is broken.
Just cry.
It took me months the last time we lost a pet to illness. I knew he needed to be put down but waited until he could no longer eat. He was 18, we lost his brother at 15 and the oldest at 24.
3 cats in 3 years. I still am not ready for more.
I find that I do my best crying in the car.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Oh, Cha Cha! Go ahead and cry, anywhere you need to -- and especially in your car.

As others have already said, it is clear that Lady Doodle loved well and was well loved. You were with her to the end, and she with you.♥

Dorrie said...

I am so sorry for all of you. I know exactly how you feel. Try to focus on the fact that you gave her a great life and she loved you.

Wendy said...

I know how it hurts one's heart to say good-bye to a beloved dog. She knew you were there and that you loved her... that was a great gift.

Peace and hugs.

Ilyanna Kreske said...

So, so sorry. Sending hugs.

Mrs. G. said...

Oh,honey, I'm so sorry.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

Oh how very very sad. Best wishes to you, I am so sorry.

Cyndi B. said...

So very sorry for your loss. I'm glad she had good times in these last few days. Hugs to you and the rest of the clan.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm sniffling here for you. Love to you while you mourn such a good dog.

Iron Needles said...

I am so so sorry for all of you.

Banjo Unfabulousness said...

Sorry for your loss. Hugs

Janet said...

I had to do this last year, same time frame, for my 14 year old dog...I'm so sorry you lost your sweet girl

sherilee said...

So so sorry to hear this news.