Tuesday, May 21, 2013

A meager PMS prayer.

Dear Lord in heaven, Harold be thy name,

My husband is a good and honest man. A righteous man. A man of The Lord.

He doth not deserve to die in a bloodbath of my own making. He doth not deserve mine wrath, for lo, his only crime is leaving the dishrag balled up in a corner of the kitchen sink, where it festers in its own moisture and sprouts bacteria that will surely beget pestilence and leprosy upon this, our home.

That is his only crime. That, and the loud gum chewing that verily reverberates through the halls of Hades and makes my cramps so much worse.

Heavenly Harold, please protect your faithful servant, my fearful husband. Guard his sweet mug from my hormonal outbursts, for he knoweth not what he hath done. For he hath done nothing. He hath not put the toilet seat down.

Like I said, he hath done nothing. Because I have to do everything.

Like a plague of locusts, I have faith that Aunt Flo, too, shall pass. And the heavens and my husband shall rejoice, and I shall rejoin the flock of People Who Are Not Insane. And all shall be well.

In Midol's name I pray,

Amen.

7 comments:

Dorrie said...

I love this blog! You have such a way with words.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Oh, the dishrag gets me every time! Living with multiple males has one silver lining: I am preparing them for a lifetime of PMS-filled relationships. And menopause.

cookingwithgas said...

The other woman.
The husband use to call this the other woman who came to live with us once a month. We do not miss her.

Banjo Unfabulousness said...

I would say your hubs got off pretty easy. You dont even have to look at me cross eyed when Aunt Flo is in town to have the claws come out and my head to rotate exorcist style.....

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Isn't that the truth? it's always the little things that finally break a gal and then BOOM!

Cassi Renee said...

Are you related to the Common Household Mom? Because you both have the same way with proverbs and other Biblical-like sayings :-)
http://commonhousehold.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-new-years-demand.html

Sparkling said...

Oh my gosh, hysterical. The balled up wash rag could seriously be the demise of many a man. Awesome letter!!!