I married well, part 964.

When we were registering for wedding gifts, I knew that we wouldn't register for china or for a toaster. I have my grandma's china ... and her toaster.

When I had my very first apartment, Grandma gave me a toaster that she just had around. It was new in the box, and had obviously been a gift. She kept it on-hand just in case her "real" toaster crapped out - which it never did.

The real toaster was from the 50s and made the best toast ever. My uncle could never get it to work and threatened to throw it down the driveway and run over it with his car. Maybe he's the one who gave her the extra toaster. At any rate, she kept the real toaster safe from his clutches and used it for 50 years.

So, the toaster she gave me, the new-in-box model? Yeah. In 1996, that box contained coupons that expired in 1979. They were for, like, 5 cents off a loaf of bread.

I've had this toaster ever since. It's a General Electric model, shiny metal with black plastic ends. This brave little toaster makes excellent toast and is a total champ. Much like my clock radio, I want no other toaster. My heart belongs to this toaster alone.

Today, I got the toaster out to - what else? - make some toast. Except! My toasting pal had basically become biodegradable overnight.

The metal had popped out and was hanging onto the plastic at cattywampus angle. While my favorite appliance was still capable of toasting a mean piece of bread, it looked falling-down-drunk doing it. I hoped I wouldn't burn the house down just for a piece of toast.

I spent 20 minutes trying to manipulate the metal back into its proper configuration, all while not breaking what I figured must be very brittle plastic.

I was not successful. I left the toaster out, thinking it might just realign itself and we could go back to our formerly happy lives.

Then, I remembered that I am married. Huzzah!

My Guy spent about 20 seconds popping the toaster back together. I promised him many favors of a sexual nature in return.

He just shrugged. "I get that a lot."