Now showing: Stayin' Erect.

Try not to be jealous of my mad design skillz.

So, it's day 2 of Humpalooza. Lil' Frankfurter continues to assert his dominance over his labradoodle brother. Poor Big Doodle just tries to ignore him, but I can tell that he's getting more and more annoyed.

I, on the other hand, have started to completely tune out the mini-dachshund-on-labradoodle crime. Mostly because I have been on the phone a good part of the day and have had no choice.

I'd be on the phone, trying to interview some guy for a newsletter for Bob's Mattress Shack, and my potential interviewee clearly doesn't want to talk to me but told Bob that he would just to make ol' Bob go away. And so I'm on the phone, trying to coerce this guy into talking to me for 5 whole minutes, and right next to me, a 7-pound dachshund is mounting and humping an 88-pound beast of a dog.

And I'm all, "Bob asked that I call you to get your thoughts on marketing mattresses."

And Lil' Frank is all, "Thrust, thrust, thrust. Lookit me. I'm a man!"

And Big Doodle is all, "Maybe if I just pretend to be asleep, he'll roll off me and leave me in peace."

I started closing my eyes while on the phone.

I live in fear that tomorrow will bring more of the same - but maybe even worse. Like, Lil' Frank could show up all greased and in a loincloth, maybe in a headband with "I am the alpha" embroidered on it.

If he has matching wristbands on all 4 paws, that's it. I'm calling the vet.