Maintaining morale: A guide for losers.

I spent a few hours this week sorting through old CDs. I had a bad habit of saving files to disks and then not labeling the disks at all. It always made me feel like I was living dangerously.

I can honestly say that searching unmarked disks for files doesn't feel like living dangerously. It feels dumb.

However, I did find some random stuff I had no idea that I had - like some documents from Corporate Behemoth. Lest you think I'm a corporate spy, I will tell you that these documents were about people taking a trip. In a fit of I-don't-know-what, I had saved documentation about my coworkers taking a trip in honor of their personal achievement on behalf of Corporate Behemoth.

Basically, several years ago, Corporate Behemoth laid off a gajillion people, then identified 100 of the still-employed folks to take on an all-expenses-paid, week-long boondoggle to Mexico.

It was incredibly hush-hush. Something about it being bad for morale, what with hundreds of people just having been laid off.

Ya think?

The "top performers" were the kiss-ups, the teacher's pets, the sharks. They - and a guest - enjoyed a week at a Mexican resort. They were required to attend daily "company breakfasts" so that Corporate Behemoth could still write off the trip as a business meeting.

And the rest of us underachievers? Well, we were supposed to work away and not realize that 100 people were on vacation. Together.

Also, we were supposed to be glad that we still had jobs and hadn't fallen prey to the layoffs. Oh, and we were also doing the work once tended by our now-laid-off colleagues.

Man, it just sucked.

Anytime you hear a story about the insanity of Corporate America, and you have trouble believing that it's true? Honey, I'm here to tell you: it's true. It just is.

So, my new job, the few-hours-a-week gig in an office in a fancy condo building? Well, it's got challenges, too. Namely, the grand piano in the lobby is a player piano. And the other day, it was playing Toto's "Rosanna." On repeat.

I know this because it was really, really quiet in our office, and I could hear the faint tinkling of ivories down the hall. The sound would fade from my consciousness, and then all of the sudden I'd hear, "MEET YOU ALL THE WAY! do-do-do! ROSANNA OH YEAAAAAH!"

That part of the song is really forceful on keyboard.

Like I said, no workplace is perfect. But some are less Imma-kill-somebody than others.