I had a super-awesome idea in mid-November. Things were going great, and I kind of decided to see what would happen if I went halvesies with my anti-depressant.
Yeah, I did this on my own. No, I wouldn't recommend it.
Everything was shiny and great until My Life Partner Zoloft really got outta my system. Then, everything was hard. Except I'm so dumb that I didn't make the connection. I just thought, "Oh, the holidays are really stressful. Oh, everybody feels like they have a hoarder's filing cabinet on their chest all the time. Oh, it's totally normal to see trouble finishing a quilt for a Christmas gift as a reflection of your complete inadequacy as a human being."
This is why I haven't been blogging much. I've been wondering why the hell everything has been so difficult. And then I realized that duh, maybe I shouldn't have cut back on the Zoloft, even if I feel like I must be 87 years old because I take a bunch of prescription meds. And then I got more Zoloft, and started to feel better, and here we are.
I've been on an anti-depressant since 2008. I kind of hate it. But I like it way better than how I feel without it. I've never considered myself a depressed person, but in retrospect? It's not normal to have periods where you make peace with letting all your plants die because you just can't face watering them. Actually, "making peace" is too active ... it was more "feigning benign acceptance."
Whatever it was, it wasn't fun, and it wasn't healthy.
So, My Life Partner Zoloft and I are reunited, and it feels so OK.
I did manage to kvetch about jewelry store holiday ads here. And if it's 1 thing a new year is good for, it's positive intent. So, my intent is to get back in the writing saddle. Even though I have a general dislike of horses that is more "hate" than "feigned benign acceptance."
But writing. Yeah. I'll do that.