Thursday, October 30, 2008

Things I have learned this week.

1. When your boyfriend dumps you ... he stops calling. This occurred to me this morning as I was getting ready for work. Mr. Wonderful used to call me on his commute, which, even though I was often harried, I loved. He has stopped doing this. For some reason, this truly, deeply shocked me. I miss it.

2. When you decide on a school night to practice your Halloween makeup at 10:30 before you go to bed, you shouldn't assume that just because you are female and a former theatre major that you have any skill whatsoever when it comes to eyeliner. Especially if you haven't worn eyeliner since Halloween 1996. You will learn to appreciate that Amy Winehouse - while a mess in many ways - is truly skilled. At 10:40 on a school night is also not a good time to realize - only after pencilling in black goth eyebrows - that since you don't wear eye makeup, you don't have any eye makeup remover.

3. True love looks like vegetable chili. And also like roasted garlic pizza. My dear friend Leeza had me over for chili and an empathetic discussion that included no ex-boyfriend bashing. Just having someone prepare a hot meal for me felt so comforting. And tonight, after listening to me sob on the phone, Alice called back and announced that she and Jake were on their way over with dog, wine, and roasted garlic pizza - my favorite - en tow. All three friends offered kind words and deep, loving friendship. I am so, so humbled to have such wonderful people in my life.


Tumble Fish Studio said...

Miss Cha Cha, I have skimmed and lingered and skimmed through your blog to kind of get up to speed since I have just met you. (I'll come back and read every little detail soon) But I had to stop and send you a big cyber, yet fuzzy warm squeezy hug. First of all you, are so nice to visit AND comment my blog when you are in the midst of a crisis. I feel pretty special. Next, you know that saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - I know it sounds like a big piece of crapolla when you are in the midst of a crisis, but you will someday look back and admit it's true just like everyone else.

I'll tell you a secret story. I was never much of a kid person, never babysat or had little brothers or sisters. For some unknown reason, about 4 years into my marriage I got bit by the "lets have a baby bug" and I got pregnant like the next day, no time to really think about it. I did okay being pregnant - pretty easy for me actually. But about 2 days after my son was born all I could think was "what the hell have I just done". It was hard. I mean, I was miserable and depressed - it was bad and sad. I know it's not the same as what you're going through but maybe kinda worse because it wasn't like I could give him back or anything. There was no changing anything but stinky diapers at that point. And I couldn't tell anyone for fear I would see my picture on a world's worst mother poster. Someone told me, "this is the hardest part, just get through the first six weeks and you'll be fine, you'll see, everything will feel so much better". I hung onto those words like a bee does honey. I mean, I think I am not in prison or a grave because of those words. Low and behold, around six weeks the baby started sleeping more (therefore so was I) and I had kind of gotten the hang of things. It was a lot better. Now that kid is almost 17 and I have seen him through far worse times than we had those first six weeks and he's seen me through some things. I needed those hard six weeks to get me goin' for the next challenge life threw me, and that one for the next one and so on.

So, give it six weeks. Just get through. Everything will be fine, you'll feel better and stronger than ever before. And I'll add, meet the REAL Mr. Wonderful that's been waiting for Mr. Loserpants to get out of his way.


p.s. where in Iowa? A very, very long time ago, (about the time of your 70's picture) I lived near Missouri Valley, Iowa. I lived in nearby South Dakota and Missouri too. Say Hhhheeeelllllooooo to the midwest I miss!

Madge said...

1. -- it's those little things that are always so shocking and so painful. don't ask me why i can feel that pain 15 years into a marriage, but i do remember it...

2. -- ok. i love this one. loved your comment about amy winehouse. very funny. see, there's your sense of humour!! yea!

3. -- chili and pizza and good friends. i'm so glad you were able to spend time with your friends and be fed, both physically and emotionally....

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I once dialed an ex after seeing something on TV--when he picked up I realized (thank God this was before caller ID) what I'd done. I hear you about the shock--especially when you're totally intertwined outside of the bedroom.

if you figure out the secret to eyeliner, let me know!

laurie said...

i'm here from Mrs. G., reading your postings in reverse order, and my heart goes out to you. your words are so vivid they're bringing back memories of MY old breakups, that pain, that anger, that bewilderment mixed with betrayal, but mostly pain.

she posted about you today (as you must know by now) and asked us all how we got through breakups.

you're doing better than i did, but for what it's worth, i got thrugh with

too much wine
too much bad television
the love of my dog.

i remember bribing myself to eat, because my stomach was so upset i coudn't eat for weeks. so i'd tell myself, "if you eat three bites of this english muffin, you can go key his truck!!!"

and i'd manage the three bites, but i'd somehow restrain myself from going over and keying the truck.

i also used to lie in bed at night and fantasize about driving over to his apartment and letting the air out of all of his tires. i'd go over all the knives in the kitchen, in my head, wondering which one was sturdy enough to get through tire.

(yes, his truck was vastly important to him.)

i did get through and came out on the other end and now i'm appalled to think i cared so much about someone who was so selfish, so flirtatious, so shallow, so completely unright for me.

you'll get there, too.

keep writing! it's vastly therapeutic. and, you know, it's also great to read.