Monday, November 10, 2008

Things are looking up. Now with more maggots!

Saturday night, both Poochie and I were overcome with "Sweet Jeeezus, what is that smell?"

It was Foxie Doxie. He put his head down and looked away, all, "Dude, I am just over here minding my own bidness. I don't know nothing 'bout no stank-ass smell."

I drowned him in Johnson & Johnson's baby shampoo and we called it good. Well, Poochie and I called it good, and my poor little dog called it cruel and unusual punishment.

We recounted the story to Alice and Jake. When asked what the stench smelled like, Poochie quickly answered, "Death!" And we all laughed.

The next day, we let Foxie Doxie outside, and Poochie watched him run directly over to a spot in the yard. The sassy canine took a deep whiff and the proceeded to roll with wild abandon.

Poochie checked it out and returned to the house with a grim face.

"Do you have a shovel? It's a decomposed squirrel. And maggots."

I started waving my hands in front of my face. I believe this would be called "Having the vapors." And from the house, I watched my brave and darling brother dig up the remains and the parasites.

I realized that having to clean up that mess by myself would have sent me over the edge. But God / Buddha / Oprah provides. Poochie ceremoniously dumped the carcass and the maggots ... over the fence into the yard of the repossessed house of the pothead next door. And all was well.


Karen said...

I once took a friend's dog for a walk. Little Dog decided it would be great to smoosh herself down on the ground and slide around in something that reeked. I had never smelled anything like it in my life. I swear we washed that dog 5 times and it didn't help. The smell even attached itself to her chain somehow. Later I talked to another friend who informed me a cat had died a few weeks ago on the side of the road where little dog had been enjoying herself. Decomposing flesh has a smell like no other. I feel for you!

laurie said...

don't you just love dogs?

one time when i went up the shore to stay in a lovely expensive rented cabin on the lake with a friend, the dog i was babysitting that weekend (i figured a chance at a weekend in a cabin was so rare that NOBODY WOULD MIND if i brought a dog) anyway the dog i was babysitting rolled in dead fish.

right on the rocks of the lake.

he smelled so bad that i made him lie down in the back of the car and could tell without looking every time he stood up because suddenly the odor would get more intense.

LIE DOWN. and the smell would diminish.

i ended up scrubbing him with every wascloth in the cabin. they all turned, um, green with muck.


J'Ollie Primitives said...

And I thought dogfarts were bad....

Claire B. said...

I've found a new place to dwell. I am loving your blog. You funny!

My spoiled precious 100 pound German Shepherd won't go out in the rain, so I don't think the dead squirrel/maggot scenario is in our future.

Anonymous said...

EW! Amazing what they think is great.

Anonymous said...

Oh my lord, I got the vapors just READING that! I really do not want to know what my dogs roll in when they're outdoors. Better not to know.

Linda Summerfield said...

I threw up a little bit. said...

The God/Buddha/Oprah prayer made me scream. Thank you SOMEBODY I tinkled before I read it. You're driving me crazy. I'm forced to add you to my favorite blogs so I can keep a better eye on you... you'll see what I mean later... tee hee