While welcoming a four-legged friend back into the house:
"Yay! We have both kinds of potty: tinkle and poopie!"
While hearing about a coworker's visit to a museum about the Salem witch trials:
"Well, who doesn't love a good diorama about being burned at the stake?"
While presenting to about 50 coworkers about the importance of editorial consistency:
"You can get away with anything as long as you're consistent. It's like your cousin who always comes to Thanksgiving dinner without a shirt. After a few years, your grandma just expects it and is then just glad that he's wearing pants. It's consistent. What? That's just my family? Oh."