Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Aberration.

Well, friends, it's been a red-letter day.

Remember Poop Watch 2009? The dental floss Lil' Frankfurter never passed?

I found it floating in the breeze in the backyard this afternoon. Not quite sure if it was gacked up or ... well, if it went all the way through his system. But it's not in there anymore.

So, that's obviously a cause for celebration.

Also? Today, I got my first-ever bikini wax.

I felt very Sex and the City, wearing a pencil skirt and cute heels, walking into a building of lofts to go to the salon after work. The infamous Greek man who owns the building flirted with me in the elevator, asking if I was there for a photo shoot, because obviously, I didn't need a thing done with my hair or face.

Oh, go on.

And then I had a glass of Pinot Grigio, stripped from the waist down, and allowed a stranger to drip hot wax on one of my most delicate areas. When that first strip went RRRRRIPPPPPPP, I no longer felt like Carrie or Samantha. I felt delirious. But, once you've started, you have to see the whole thing through. You can't just have half your hoo-haa waxed, you know?

Note to self: slam the wine before the wax. Next time.

The biggest surprise? I bruised. The esthetician was like, "Oh - are you on Accutane? You're bruising."

I said, "No, but I'm on Zoloft ... so I guess I don't care?"

So, basically, I look like somebody kicked me in the crotch. But I have faith that this will morph into The Perfect Swimsuit Body by Saturday.

In celebration of such a great day, it's time to name the winner of Miss Noodleroux Cultural Heritage Costume Queen!

There were so many worthy contestants, and you are all winners. Who will the queen be?

Picking just one winner is stressing me out. And I'm already stressed about going on vacation already. Oh, it's so hard to be Cha Cha, with so many witty and kind and seriously funny commenters who make me cackle and bring me such comfort.

So, I'm going to defer to Julie, whose description of her own fantastic costume started out with, "I want to live in Iron-dom!"

Yes. Your friend and mine, Iron Needles, is officially crowned Miss Noodleroux Cultural Heritage Costume Queen! Picture her cultural finery:

National Costume d'Iron Needles depicts comfort and ease and freedom of movement. Women living in Iron-dom wear jeans (or shorts, depending on season/temp) and tees (long or short sleeved, see above) with the occasional sweatshirt overlaid in cold seasons. This look is so loved it is worn on all weekends, and changed into immediately upon arrival home from labor, even though labor costume is jeans with casual shirt, with comfortable shoes...Iron-dom is not very glamorous but the general consensus in Iron-dom is that glamour might just be overrated and hard to garden in...

I am so very much behind comfortable shoes. Trust me - the bikini wax was probably my one and only stab at intense, girly personal maintenance.

Iron Needles, shoot me an e-mail -noodleroux at yahoo dot com - and let's talk about your crown, duties, and fabulous prizes.

7 comments:

LaDue & Crew said...

Yowza!! I've forgotten how sexy those wax on- wax offs can make one feel!

Congrats, Julie! A prize from Cha Cha is absolutely fab!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Okay, you are officially WAY hipper than me. I've never gotten the wax job on any part of my anatomy. And I'm not convinced I ever will.

But I bet you'll look hawt once the bruising fades...

hope505 said...

You are a brave woman...extra points to you for not attempting to do this at home. Don't ask how I know.
* ; )

mel said...

"...so I guess I don't care?"

HAHAHA! I love the question in the answer.

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

Hi Cha Cha, I hope your vacation was fabulous. I have given you an award. Come on over and see me to get it.

Coco
www.screamingforchocolate.com

Linda Crispell said...

Knocking back one glass of wine to have your rain forest cleared? I would have to smoke a bowl of crack laced with PCP, and then have someone hit me in my temples with a mallet

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

OMG...Linda's comment is hilarious. Where are you Cha Cha? We want to see pictures and hear how your vacation went.