Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The fine art of the written word. Also? Cussing. And some bitches.

I might be a bit hypersentive to criticism at the moment.

Over the last few months, I've started blogging for Corporate Behemoth. Not about dogs and getting married and dog poo and living with a boy and dog pee, but about Corporate Behemoth-type stuff. It's been an adjustment.

At first, the marketing lady was all, "You're Cha Cha. You're senior editorial manager. Do whatever you want. Thanks for blogging!" And that was cool.

And then the marketing lady left, and the new marketing lady was all, "You're Cha Cha. You're senior editorial manager. Have your blog reviewed and approved by these 17 people before you post. Thanks for blogging!" And that's ... different.

Considering that most of what I write here is completely made up as I go along and (surprise, I know) gets very little forethought? This whole Corporate Behemoth blogging plan is a bit of a shock.

But I'm down. I'm a team player. I work really, really hard not to drop the f-bomb in my corporate posts. And I've been successful.

So far.

One of the 96 people who have to approve my blog is a contractor who writes press releases.

I'm sure she's really good at what she does and is a lovely person.

But first, she edited my stuff for tone. Dude. It was my directive to write in my personal voice. As long as I don't drop the f-bomb, get off my back.

Then? Then, she quite helpfully removed all the "underlines" in my post.

I had to explain to her that they weren't underlines ... they were hyperlinks. As are commonly found on the Internet.

Sigh.

In other news, I was at a party this weekend, talking to two of my very best friends in the whole world. And a mutual acquaintance came up to our little group, and addressed only one of us.

"You HAVE to come out with us after the party!" the evil woman said to my one friend - and only to my one friend. Completely ignoring me and friend numero dos. "All of the cute and fun girls will be there!"

So, I guess I'm not a cute and fun girl. I'm a woman, and a writer. And we're better. We're smarter. And funnier. And we can insult you with words you don't understand and you won't even know it.

But let me put this in words you will understand: Don't fuck with my tone, and don't fuck with my hyperlinks. I have shit to say and I'm going to say it the way I need to say it. So back the fuck off.

Also? I would be delighted to tell you where you may place your cute-and-fun-girl afterparty.

11 comments:

Mrs. G. said...

Bring it, sister.

Angie said...

Surely, you jest. Oy vei!

Average Jane said...

That hyperlinks thing made my brain hurt.

Carol said...

Now that's what I call a powerful conclusion. I'm in agreement with you -- at www.angelinyourinkwell.blogspot.com

Molly said...

I think you need a tee shirt that says "don't fuck with my tone. and don't fuck with my hyperlinks"

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

Uggghhhhhh. When I blogged for my old company, I was so worried I'd have to get every post approved by management (and don't even get me started on how difficult and stupid their approval process was). Thankfully, that wasn't the case. But, still. I can imagine.

And what kind of PR person - contractor or not - doesn't know what a hyperlink is? C'mon, people.

Banjo @ Unfabulousness said...

I agree with Molly! And you could wear your new t-shirt to work on casual Friday's..........

Laura said...

"And we can insult you with words you don't understand and you won't even know it."

I just snorted a little bit. I love you!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Gotta love the corporate version of "personal voice" and rigid attempts at creating an intimate social networking experience for their customers via a blog. A blog that runs through committee. You need to thwart her.

Janet said...

Oh my. I hate it when people who don't know how to write criticize my writing. I feel your pain!

hope505 said...

ohmygod. OHHHmygod.

"underlines"

And I swear to baby jesus as your anonymous BadGirl Friend, I would have said right to that Other Girl's face (who said "..all the cute fun girls will be there..")

"Then why are you going?"

BAM.
w/e you know that party sucked anyways.