I haven't been writing about the shingles because dear God in heaven, I am sick of hearing myself talk about how I have a headache or I can't sleep or blah blah blah.
I'm not contagious. The rash is gone, replaced by pain. I'm back at work. I'm exhausted.
And things at work are amped up. We need stuff and we need it now and we're all freaking out. Basically, I was met at the door with several coworkers saying, "Hope you're feeling better. I need you to do this project for me right now."
OK, then.
So, the stress is at a higher level than when I got stress-related shingles. Gotcha.
I'm not quite doing my regular "pretend it never happened and go back to life as usual" schtick. There's a voice whispering in my brain, telling me to get this shit straightened out or next time it won't be shingles. It will be worse, whatever that means.
My Guy was scared of me when I got home from work tonight. "You slammed the crap out of the door," he said. "Why don't you have some wine?"
I'm back on Weight Watchers. Wine is, like, 7 points.
"I give you permission to not track a glass of wine," he said.
"Am I that big of a stressed-out bitch?"
He hugged me and opened the fridge. "Look - here's an open bottle!"
Is a day at Corporate Behemoth followed by a run to the grocery really that stressful? Am I a wuss if I don't want to do this anymore, whatever "this" is?
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6 comments:
You're not crazy! It takes some time to regain your stamina after a bout with shingles! Wishing that it's fast for you!
You just remember that "stress" is what got you here. So, wheneveryone and their brother is popping out of the woodwork at the office? Remind them youa re human. And working as fast as you can. Mmm K? Take care of you....... PS. Gotta love a guy who encourages you cheat on your diet :)
This will be one of those comments that everyone will hate on but you need to remember that stress is not something that comes from somewhere else.....it is all in your head (and heart and the rash all over your torso). So my favorite story that helps me remember how stress in my life is MY creation is...
You are walking down a dark street and you see someone coming toward you, you start to worry,are you about to be robbed, or mugged, or raped and your heart starts pounding and your breath gets short as you imagine all the terrible things that could happen, and then the person walks under a street light and you see it is someone you know...and the freak out stops, like that.
When things are really freaking me out, I stop and remember that right now, in this moment, everything is fine. I may have a deadline, and I will work steadily toward that. I may have some future financial worries, but right now in this minute everything is fine, and it helps me calm down, sleep a little better, and realize that all the anxiety and upset in the world will not help move things forward. It will in fact make it worse.
So deep breaths, everything is fine in this moment, and give yourself a little pass as you cope with the lingering pain from the shingles and know you have everything you need to banish the stress from your life. After all, you created it and chose it. Now you can purposely unchoose it.
It isn't always easy. Sometimes I prefer to freak out, wallow in the anxiety and feel very sorry for myself, but I do it consciously recognizing that it is my choice.
Love and hugs to you!
Take it easy on yourself, friend. A glass of wine, a deep breath, a new start on Monday.
Mr. H offers me a Bloody Mary on those days. I take no offense. And though I'm dieting, medicinal intake should not be counted against me!
I met up with a fellow workaholic this weekend who lost her job in January. When I last saw her (Feb) she was distressed, lost, and frantic about finding work. Now 8 months later she is full of stories of what she does with her time and how she doesn't miss working. Not. at. all.
can you imagine?
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