This week, I've met with a few recruiters and a friend who just out and out offered me a jobby job.
One of the recruiters was clearly hungover. When My Guy asked me for a quick update on the meeting later, I said, "She was maybe 12, wearing a too-short skirt and cheap shoes." Then, in a moment of self-reflection, I added, "I wonder why I have no friends."
The other, super-excellent recruiter was so nice and energetic and positive about finding terrific gigs for me and erasing my experience at Mega Corporate Behemoth from my memory. She was excited ... and I was having trouble matching her energy level.
I'm beyond exhausted. Like, as I was driving home from meeting with the super-bestest recruiter this afternoon, I felt so run-down that I actually thought, "Gee, maybe I have mono."
I don't have mono. I might have a corporate form of PTSD. Oh, and there's the little business of being jacked up on hormones for a good portion of the summer and then finding out that, oh, I'M BARREN. So, maybe no wonder I'm sleeping a solid 11 hours a night.
Maybe no wonder I can't get excited about another job. Maybe no wonder I'm feeling pretty ambivalent about everything. Maybe no wonder.
I'm not depressed in that "Oh JesusAllahBuddhaOprah, how can I possibly go on?" sort of way. I'm just more ... umm ... wondering if I have mono. Because I am worn out. Because I can't fathom working right now, even though I've always worked a lot. Because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
So, I'm sleeping. And painting baseboards, because our house will never be done. And trying to have faith that all things will be revealed in due time.
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8 comments:
Then, in a moment of self-reflection, I added, "I wonder why I have no friends."
Thanks for the laugh! It's like I said the other night. You're detoxing--from many things. Sleep and be nice to yourself. Your ass will be working soon enough. Try and enjoy this break if you can.
P.S. You have at least one friend!
Can I be your friend, too? I think you're amazing, especially if you can still laugh a little in light of the massive suckage that has been your summer. Sleep, rest, recover. You'll re-center eventually. Please take care of yourself.
I was just tested for mono last week, so I appreciate that bone weary feeling. Thankfully I didnt have it but I slept 9-11 hours every night for a week.
Give it time. There is so much that has happened in the last fe wmonths your body is just asking to catch up.
You're not scary depressed but you are "sweet mother of pearl, life has SUCKED lately" depressed. I know, I've been there, too. They say seek medical attention if you feel depressed like this for more than two weeks but I think that' crap. You're not suicidal or psychotic, you're processing some really shitty shit. And that takes time...and sleep!
It gets better. And, whatever the label, there are many who care about you, including me - a virtual stranger from Lincoln.
You are in the same place I was a few years ago. This really is time to give yourself a break, catch up on your personal life, take the time to really enjoy your family and friends. Trust me, in a year to two you will miss this time. The hardest part for me when I did go back to work fulltime was missing the free time I had to really enjoy my life. It isn't easy to carve out time for all you want to do when you get sucked back into the daily grind of a job. And I love my job. It just takes up a lot of time.
Each morning, when I work up feeling sad for myself, I spent an extra 5 or 10 minutes in bed reminding myself that many people have it much worse and I should be thankful that my current position is not going to bankrupt us and that something great would come along as long as I believed it would. Then I would plan out my day. I think it helped me get through it faster.
Have a most wonderful weekend!
I think you're really funny, can I be your friend? It sounds like you just need the rest--physically, mentally, emotionally. Hopefully you start feeling better soon and you'll get some of your zing back.-Jessie from Derfwad Manor
Take it easy on yourself, honey. I'm your friend.
And with the year you've had, you deserve an extended break.
It seems trite, but it's true: I love you guys. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.
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