Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Be the change.

My Guy has been traveling all week. This has left me with a solid 4 hours every night during which I must entertain myself.

Have I been reading? Sewing? Writing?

Oh, silly kitten. No. I've been cleaning. And doing laundry. And cleaning the big labradoodle's ears.

I know. I know! I don't know why, either. I should have used this time to at least watch all the stuff on the DVR that my husband hates. But instead, I've been vacuuming.

I felt all productive and June Cleaver-ish ... until I realized that tomorrow is my last day at Globotron.

So, Friday, I have an appointment with my periodontist at 8 a.m. What am I going to do once 9 a.m. rolls around and my gums have a clean bill of health?

Cleaning would have been an easy win - something mindless to make me feel like I'm still a productive member of society. Instead, I'm going to do ... what? Because I feel like I need to be doing something.

Big picture, I'm going to do consulting and writing. But it's still a big transition from being Corporate America's bitch for years. And it's not like I'm rolling out of bed Friday morning with a giant to-do list. I'm ... transitioning. Not like gender reassignment, but, like, who-the-hell-am-I reassignment.

I know I don't fit in the corporate mold. I know I'm much more artistic and creative than I have allowed myself to be. Rationally, I know that part of allowing myself to be artistic and creative means that I need to allow myself to not have a to-do item to cover every waking moment. I know I don't have to earn my keep as a human being.

I know these things rationally. But emotionally? Well, it's going to take some getting used to.

3 comments:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good luck. It's a tough journey, but you can do it!

sherilee said...

I'm excited for you! Give yourself a little space in the transition, and opportunity doors will open. I'm a big believer in that kind of voodoo.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

I hope you did something celebrative today!