Celebrating eggsellence.

I just got home from a weekend with the fam.

Best Family Sporting Event

Bocce ball. We played with Poochie's BFF, whom we all admit is our parents' second favorite child, after the shih tzu. The day was gorgeous, the dogs kept trying to catch the Bocce balls, and I kept my losing streak intact. I scored no points. All afternoon.

Best Random match.com E-mail

Dear Cha Cha,

I'm sorry I haven't contacted you a while. I have been focusing on someone special here on match, and it's to the point where it wouldn't be fair for anyone if I continue building other relationships. I think you're great and that we would definitely have fun together. If circumstances change, I hope you don't mind if I contact you. But for now, I hope you understand.

Best of luck,

Dude

How nice for Dude to acknowledge all of this - I think this is classy and truly wish him the best.

Worst Random match.com E-mail

Dear Cha Cha,

I apologize for the long delay in replying. As it turns out, I've met someone through this site and we are enjoying spending time together. In addition, my view of Christianity is quite a bit more orthodox than yours. So, from that point of view, we are obviously not a good match.

You have a wicked sense of humor. Best of luck.

Some Guy

That's fine, Some Guy. I didn't realize that real Christianity involved e-mailing match.com contacts on Easter morning, but I guess you know better than I do. Besides, I'm too busy burning in hell to date you, anyway.

Best Accessories

Easter bandannas, of course.

Best Reaction to Lil' Frankfurter Barking and Peeing Inside All Weekend

Cha Cha: So, Dad, I can get you a dachshund reeaaaal cheap.

Dad: Huh?

Cha Cha: What's it gonna take to get you into a dachshund today?

Dad: I don't think I've ever been that drunk.

Best Reaction to the Long-Term, Ongoing Feud Between Cha Cha and Poochie Over Their Mother's Avocado Green Circa 1969 Crock Pot That They Both Want Upon Her Unfortunate Demise

Mom: If you kids can't work it out, I am going to be cremated! And then they'll put my ashes in the crock pot! And then you'll just have to pass it back and forth and nobody will get to use it!

Best Appearance By a Long-Lost Friend

Krampus the Christmas Frog is back! And fresh as a spring day in his Easter finery.

Krampus surprised the family by hiding in the pantry in front of the breakfast cereal. And later? I stepped out of the shower to find a terrifying message on the steamed-up mirror:

Krampus will come for YOU!

I expected to find Krampus sitting in the hallway with a knife, but he was actually pretty mellow this fine Easter weekend. I think he had too much sugar. I blame Peeps.

Date recap.

I had a second date tonight with my new friend from the Interwebnets. We just talked and talked and talked - I like him.

He told me about running into an elderly woman at his grandpa's funeral. She got right up in his face and said, "I bet you don't know who I am."

He admitted that no, he didn't. And she promptly announced, "I'm one of the twins!"

Turns out she was a cousin of his grandpa - and rather taken with Mr. Interwebnets. She asked him if he had a sweetheart.

When he replied no, she slapped him on the arm and announced, "Well! You should do that intercom dating!"

Heh heh heh.

We all have our special gifts.

It’s only 10 a.m. and already it’s been a very exciting day.

Big Honkin’ Freeway, which I take to get to Corporate Behemoth, was backed up due to an accident. Cops were forcing five lanes of traffic into the far left lane. A stretch of road that typically takes 30 seconds took me 15 minutes to navigate.

But! In the midst of everyone trying to make road friends and merge? And everybody flipping off of the giant semi who was tailgating and refused to let anyone in?

There was The Guy in the Truck.

The Guy in the Truck passed me, slowing down to wave and wink. Umm? Ok.

And then he pulled in front of me and adjusted his mirrors to keep looking at me and smiling and winking.

Umm?

I tried to think of it as a compliment. And then I realized that my seatbelt was perfectly dissecting my ample bosoms. And so I was a basically a mobile advertisement for BREASTS!

So, yeah. It’s Wednesday. I still have a sinus infection. But I’m bringing joy to the peoples.

Oh, and today I spilled ketchup on my dress pants - not once, but twice.

I almost passed out getting ready for work this morning. I'd been doing ok this weekend, but I was also spending about half of each day laying about like a bum. But actually getting up and trying to get ready for work? Harsh.

So, I went to the doctor. The plague? Now has a name. Sinus infection, you suck. I hate you. And I hate the antibiotic that's making me feel better already but that makes my mouth taste like I just cleaned a toilet with my tongue.

So, yeah, I am an awesome sick person. Everybody wants to be around me.

However, in between my bouts of sleeping this weekend, I managed to fit in three very important things:

1. I bought a pair of cowboy boots. I know! But they are beautiful. I went with a friend to pick something up from the western store in town and got suckered in. And, it was the first and only store I've ever been in where the owners sell clothes and smoke in the store. Yee-haw.

2. I watched Rock of Love Bus. Ok, all the brunette girls who seemed so normal compared with the blonde strippers? Are batshit crazy. The one normal girl got kicked off this week, so Bret is left with the choice of Whiny-and-Emotionally-High-Maintenance Mindy or Have-I-Mentioned-I'm-Penthouse-Pet-of-the-Year Taya (Whose Real Name is Laurie).

Jeeeeezus, Bret. Just call me, ok? We will find you a nice girl. A nice, sane girl who hasn't flashed her goods for the entire universe to see.

3. I went on a date. With a guy from The Interwebnets. And it was great! We talked and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed. And he said he "really was" going to call me - which was weird, because it never occurred to me that he wouldn't call, because this was a great date. And I am naive like that.

That was Saturday. And now it's Monday, and I'm starting to be all, "When's he gonna call?" I've turned into That Woman. Just like in the movies. Except with a messier house. And a sinus infection that makes me sounds like I've smoked for 50 years. Because I'm attractive like that.

Just got paid. It's Friday night.

Today, I worked from home. And took some sick leave. Basically, I meant to work from home but at some point, I fell asleep with my laptop on my lap, and I woke up two hours later. So ... yeah.

I got cleaned up around dinnertime and my friend L. and I went to Wendy's, because the rhinovirus? Demanded a burger. Then, we went to the movies. Because everyone should interact with the world outside their house, even if they sound like they smoke three packs a day.

We saw Adventureland, which is sweet and funny and makes me want to go to an amusement park. And then? I asked L. if she minded if we stopped by the grocery as she dropped me home. I needed milk.

This turned into us grocery shopping for an hour, bitching about the lack of organic antiperspirants and oohing and ahhing over the ice cream produced by a local family dairy. I had forgotten how much fun it is to grocery shop late at night with a friend. In case you've forgotten, it's way fun. Way more fun that shopping alone, and a gazillion times more fun than shopping when all the clueless people block the aisles with their carts.

We also saw an older couple who were obviously grabbing some essentials on their way home from a big night out. Something about them made me think it was a casino. She was dressed head to toe in varying shades of pink. And he put his arm around her and gave her the sweetest look. I wanted to put them in my pocket and just take them home. But mostly, I hope somebody looks at me that way when I'm pushing 80 and dressed like a crazy crayon.

Ask Cha Cha.

I've been faced with many questions lately.

Question: Why do you sound like a frog who smokes three packs a day?
Asked by: Everyone
Answer: My cold is back. And I am pissed.

Question: Should everyone get a second dog?
Asked by: You know who you are
Answer: Yes. Shelters and rescue groups are busier than ever with animals that have been handed over due to the recession. If you have an itch to maybe get another dog, I say go for it. Lil' Frankfurter concurs.

Question: How did you get through your depression - that dark, awful, worst part - all by yourself?
Asked by: My dear, sweet friend who is in that same dark, deep hole right now
Answer: This question sort of surprised me - I hadn't really thought about it. My gut reaction, and I think the most honest one? I just did. I just got through it.

A more thorough response is that I took time in very small increments. A half-an-hour meeting? Ok, I can get through that. And I had wonderful friends who helped carry me through, especially before the Zoloft kicked in. And really? I just hope I can return the favor.

Question: Why is there no ice cream in the house?
Asked by: Me
Answer: There is no good answer to this, the question of our time. It's especially painful to note that there is also no chocolate in the house.

Question: Have you seen vh1's One Hit Wonders of the 80s?
Asked by: My imaginary friend
Answer: Yes! And it's wonderful! I had forgotten all about Frank Stallone. He has provided the theme song for the epic Cha Cha Versus The Cold From Hades fight: I am down, but I am far from over!

Question: So, uh, are you going to take some NyQuil?
Asked by: Lil' Frank and Foxie Doxie, who are tired of my raspy voice and are exhausted from their nursing duties
Answer: Ok, if you say so.

Because I'm the mama.

Tonight, I had a fancypants pedicure. Like, with a reflexology massage and everything. The lady was so nice, but at one point she did ask how long it had been since my last pedicure.

"By someone that's not me?"

"Uh-huh?"

I thought carefully. "About a year?"

Which is a total lie! It's been at least two years. No wonder I'm single. I've been walking around with the podiatrical (is that even a word? it should be) equivalent of a snaggletooth.

The kids? They are not amused. I make them wipe their paws every single time they come in the house. Why am I not held up to the same standards?

It's not fair.