Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bend me, shape me, any way you want me.

A funny thing has been happening over the last 10 days.

Ex-Ex e-mails me. Like, every day. Like, he looks for excuses to e-mail me.

Do I have recommendations for yoga studios? Or hey, he was at Neil Diamond last night, and here's a picture of Neil.


Keep in mind that Ex-Ex and I had the mother of all break-ups. The fact that we are on friendly-ish terms is, to put it bluntly, fucking amazing. With an extra "Holy shit!" thrown in for emphasis.

So, today I was in a two-hour meeting that ran three hours. Tempers were flaring and I was exhausted. And towards the end of this marathon, I received an e-mail from Ex-Ex. Would I like to meet in half an hour for a beer?

At that point, I would have made the beer myself if it meant enjoying a frosty brew. Plus, I was curious. What the hell does this guy want, anyway?

Well, one beer and an hour and a half later (yeah, I nursed that drink), I can tell you. What he wants is ... an audience.

He just talks. He doesn't ask a lot, and he doesn't listen a lot. But he talks. A lot.

Part of me thinks, "Did I really spend seven years of my life smiling and nodding like this?"

But mostly, mostly I think that in my last two relationships, I was appreciated for how I fit into my boyfriends' lives and met their expectations. I was not necessarily loved for who I am as a person, as an individual.

I was exhausted when I parted ways with Ex-Ex tonight. Perhaps he is lonely. Perhaps he needs the ego stroke of thinking we're friends. Perhaps I don't care.


farmerjulie said...

oh my goodness. I am proud that you nursed that beer, and looked at it the way you did! You are one strong cookie!
Funny how you can step away and think what was I thinking?..

Kudo's for you! take care of you!! first.
xo julie

LaDue & Crew said...

Funny how we "choose" not to notice these things while in the relationships that are sucking us dry. But you are out, and can see the light now! I would have told him to go chase himself before I finished the beer. You are one tough chick!

Mrs. G. said...

Perhaps you have enough to take care of without adding ex-ex to the mix.


I am impressed. You are healing. Sounds like you have had some revelations about yourself. Just remember to be true to you. Always. Happy Holidays

laurie said...

a little distance is good. in your case, it was excellent.

i remember similar post-break-up get-togethers with exes. and never once was i re-tempted. mostly i just sat there and thought, "what the hell was i thinking???"

glad you're healing so very very nicely.

Anonymous said...

I think you're wise not to care. That was probably very healthy closer of sorts. Next time I'll fly over for that after work beer, m-kay?

Linda Summerfield Crispell said...

You are enlightened!

Anonymous said...

I have this problem with my ex-husband (when he's on the "nice" side of his mental illness) and it exhausts me to sit there and listen to him ramble on about his new wife and how awful she is when I just really could not give a rat's ass. I bet you wished you'd gotten that beer solo, eh?

Unknown said...

Sounds like an "A-Ha!!" moment. Nice thing is that once you've had one and your eyes have been opened you can see trouble coming a long ways off. Like a dress that looks great, but just ain't gonna fit--no wasting time to try it on for size.

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Well, if you enjoy the company in any remote possible way, you can now say, since you owe him nothing at all and you are getting so strong and clear, "So, we've talked about you a lot. Would you like to know what I've been up to? Or, are you just going to vomit all of your stuff on me every time we get together with no interest in my take on the world?"

I agree with Mrs. G - if he is just using you to stroke his ego, you don't need it and the only reason you should care is so that you don't put yourself in a position that you'll resent later. You are making such sweet strides!

PJHornbergerFolkArtist.com said...

I can so relate to this! I have friends like that. He needed an ego stroke, or had wore out all the other ears he knows. And you needed a reminder of what it was like. You can do the Happy Dance cause you're not there anymore! :)