Monday, March 29, 2010

The face of evil.


Spring has finally sprung. And that means one thing: Foxie Doxie is losing his shit.

We've been going on walks, and it's painfully obvious that any leash training Foxie might have ever had is gone. Gone, like dinosaurs are gone. Totally extinct.

I can handle the "hearn Hearn HEARN!" when we're first starting out and he's excited. But it's the rabid "HEARN HEARN HEARN!" when he sees another dog that makes me crazy.

He pulls on his choke chain and pulls himself up on his rear legs. He acts like he's going to devour the dog in his sights.

I do the Dog Whisperer "tsk!" sound. I attempt to shape his rigid little body into a seated position. When that fails, I attempt to fwop him onto his side into a submission pose.

All the while, Lil' Frankfurter looks around, wondering what the big deal is.

Sometimes, I momentarily come to terms with the fact that when on a leash, Foxie is just always going to freak over other dogs, and that's just the way it is. But then I think, "No! I am the alpha of this pack! I can shape his behavior!"

But mostly? Mostly, I just try to avoid other dogs. And when I can't? I try to come up with good excuses for the other dog owners.

"We're working on training" is my perennial favorite. But sometimes, when the other dog owner thinks they're Cesar Milan and freaking stops - making Foxie's fit longer in duration - to offer "helpful" hints?

Well, a hearty "Fuck you" is always on the tip of my tongue. I can only imagine what it's like to have human kids and be subject all the crazy "advice" that anyone who's ever seen a kid on TV feels obligated to give parents. Why yes, all my best parenting advice has always come from complete strangers who don't know me or my kids. Thanks!

All of this makes me truly and deeply appreciate one group that often doesn't get the love they deserve.

Yes. I'm talking about dogs that behave even more horribly than mine.

When those dog owners apologize for their canines' behavior? And I'm all, "It's OK! Really?" Really, I mean, "Thank you! Thank you for making me feel like less of a failure! Your 85-pound dog ran across a busy street to hump my 12-pound dog, and I'm so glad! We're all better for it! Are you sure you don't want to forget a poop bag so that I can feel really superior since I always clean up after my kids? Are you sure?"

I'm hoping that with daily walks, Foxie will calm down. Maybe he'll be consistently too exhausted to lose his mind. Or maybe I just really need to start getting up early so I can walk the kids before other dogs are, you know, awake. I'd like to walk in the middle of the night to really be safe, but I've been told that's a bad idea.

8 comments:

Professor J said...

Oh, that is an evil face. Oh, and I'm sorry about my 85 pound dog humping yours--I do TRY to keep her under control.

Beth said...

I hear you. I want to get my puppies to do better. But whenever we go to Petsmart we're told that they have a new class starting soon. Hint, hint.

And same goes for the dog park, although I think they behave well there. They are too afraid of other dogs to do anything bad. I guess that's not good.

sherilee said...

Well, finally an advantage to the super-size yard: I don't have to expose the rest of the world to my wild animals! I try to remember than when cursing loudly while mowing...

dallasdiva said...

So, Sunday a fellow teacher comes over to my house with her best friend AND her husband. They yearn to see the "Cadillac of Doggy Doors" (Company's word's, not mine). It is a rockin' doggy door. It works off a magnet and opens only when the dogs are right on the door.

But I digress. S and B? HORRIBLE. God awful. Jumping and barking. At one point, Buddy leaped onto a chair and then FLUNG all 45 lbs of himself four feet across to another chair.

My fellow teacher? Cited Caesar to me. A lot.

When they all left? The dogs immediately plopped to the ground and went to sleep. I had visual evidence, but I couldn't get the photo to post.

People cross the street when they see us coming on walks. Even when the dumb dogs are being good. It is as if everyone can sense the control is minimal at best and at any moment they could LOSE THEIR EVER LOVING MINDS.

Sigh. At least you can pick yours up in a pinch! So, you have that. right?

mel said...

Seasons don't make a difference to our Lab. She's stupid excited around another dog at any given time. And, after a crazy day of running around like a maniac she passes out just like Foxie there. So sweet.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm laughing my butt off to know you feel the same way I do about kid behavior! And I do wonder about the "dog advice." Perhaps they think you'll take it less personally than helpful "kid advice?"

Joan said...

That is exactly what my dog does too. You have no idea the lengths I have to go through to avoid meeting another dog. I feel your pain. The only way I can get her to stop is to lift her up and carry her until she can't see the other dog anymore...that and seems like forever.

I bet my neighbours wonder why I am skulking around the back lanes and hiding in the bushes. BTW my dog looks very much like yours too.

Angie said...

That's how I feel about housework, too! My very favorite people are those with clutter filled and dirty houses!